What is it that can get us back out there drinking again? That’s what a couple of us were talking about after the meeting today.
One friend of mine said that occasionally they would find themselves drifting in their mind and reaching a point of complacency. Forgetting that we need to practice this spiritual way of life. Getting to a place where they felt that they were okay and not in need of any help.
One of the things which struck me was what it says in the BB. That eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. I know for me that I had to work on discipline to pay attention. I know that no matter how long I stay sober I will never be done. No graduation. My experience has shown that to me. I’m always running into things that only the Steps and sharing with others to clean up my insides. Whether it’s memories of past wrongs, which for one reason or another I never remembered before, or just me thinking I’m right and opening my big mouth and finding out just how wrong I can be. My ego, my being self centered. A total lack of humility.
When Bill W. said he found out he was a “beginner” in the Eleventh Step, I could identify. How often I find myself, even after all this time, feeling like I’m starting all over again. I can be sitting in a meeting, listening to others, and get jarred by something I hear and wonder why I hadn’t thought of whatever it is being said. Like I never heard it before. How easily I can forget things and need to be reminded. Makes me feel dumb to say the least.
Everyday is a day I need to get knocked back to a place, where I can start practicing humility. A need to remember just how dependent I am on my Higher Power and how much I owe Him in gratitude for all He has done for me. To renew my hope and faith.
And not just my Higher Power, but my fellow members, who I believe act and speak in His place. How much gratitude I owe to all of them for helping me to stay sober.
I pray I never forget how much I owe to this program for all it has done for me and that I need to go back again and again and put it into practice each and everyday. And to remember it’s just a day at a time.
Anyway, after the meeting, and our talk outside, I had to sit down and think about how I need to keep my primary purpose in the front of my mind and never forget what it is that brought me here and what it is that keeps me here. The maintenance of my spiritual condition on which my sobriety is dependent. It will always be that way, as long as I live. I never want to ever drink alcohol again.