Had an old friend talk about that moment of truth, which comes with our bottoms. She was wondering if that’s what might be missing, when people go back out and drink again. Good question.
We were talking about our memories of that moment in each of our lives. What an emotional trip down that memory lane. But something I never want to forget. That moment, when what was wrong with me was there for me to see in the mirror behind the bar. She said she had the same moment looking in a mirror at home.
What is it that turns us around and makes us surrender to our alcoholism and seek the help we need in this program? Perhaps it’s different for each one of us. But the bottom line for both of us was what had led us to the point we were looking at. Alcohol. Booze. No question in our minds. That was so clear that I wanted to kill myself, because I couldn’t go on drinking.
That kind of desperation I think is what got both of us and so many others I know through the doors to sobriety. Not being able to stop drinking and going insane because we couldn’t. In fact the moment someone asked me something, which had never entered my mind before, I agreed. He asked me if I wanted to get sober. I told him more than anything in my whole life. Where did that come from? The word sober never came up in all those years. Stopping drinking did, but I couldn’t no matter what I did. But now that one word became everything to me.
Anyway, when she asked me if that moment wasn’t there in our bottoms I wondered also, if that was missing and kept others in denial of their disease.
Just being grateful today for our sobriety. A new freedom and a new happiness, as the Promises in the Ninth Step states. That’s what came to me, my friend, and the many of others like us, who are sober today. I heard that at the meeting today. How inspiring to hear and see others like myself, living this sober life and giving me their wisdom and examples.
As I sit here thinking about all of this I can’t help but pause and thank my Higher Power and all those alcoholics in my life in sobriety, who reached out and gave me so much help and support. Just exactly what I needed. I’m still here because of it. And it all started in that moment, when I saw the truth and became aware of how alcohol was driving me insane and killing me. I pray that others, who need this program like I did, will undergo the same pain and experience. It’s what worked for me and my friend.