Haven’t been able to get to a meeting in over a week now. Hopefully that will change soon. Reminds me of a topic often brought up at our meetings. The importance of meetings. I agree wholeheartedly.
I was just sitting and thinking about this and a lot of other things related to staying sober. Not thinking about a drink, but just thinking about a lot of things which have helped me stay sober for a long time now. Things important to me and probably a lot of others like me.
One of those that hit me, as I sat there was our stories. I’ve heard it seems thousands of them over the years. Often they’re different, where we came from, like mental institutions, prisons, the streets, our homes. But they all have a commonality. Booze. Our bottoms. What it was that made us surrender and come into the program.
I have my own story. A lot of stuff which happened to me that led me to ask for help. The bottom line was that I was so desperate, in such a dark hole within me, that I couldn’t go on. Such despair, hopeless, and helpless, that I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I tried. And then someone told me that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together. That opened the door in that black hole inside of me and turned on a light. It was hope. I didn’t know that such a place existed and everything inside of me wanted to go there.
That kind of bottom, the description, may not be what happened to everyone, but there is a lot of it which is common to everyone I’ve ever heard. The darkness within, the inability to stop drinking, and someone or something, which gave them hope that there was a way out. Freedom from the bondage of alcohol.
This month is my anniversary date. I don’t have to be around my anniversary to remember what it was like and what happened. It’s still there in my mind, as if it was yesterday. Even after all these years. I go back to those moments just to remind myself of why I’m here. To give myself the necessary kick in the pants to keep me on track, especially when I’ve hit a brick wall again. When I need to stop lolling around. A need to get back into action with this program. Like I was thinking tonight about the Eleventh Step.
Anyway that was just one of my thoughts. There were more, but this will do for me now. Just needed to get my thoughts back on why I am here. To stay sober. My primary purpose. And yes my Higher Power was there in all of this. I am grateful.