After talking with several people today and this week I was reminded of the Third Step prayer in the BB. The words asking the God of our understanding to relieve us of the bondage of self. What’s that?
Listening to others, who were all tied up with relationships, family members and others that they found it almost impossible to let go of them. Worries, anxieties, sometimes anger and resentments, disappointments, and a host of other feelings. Not able to let go. I couldn’t help but think that I’ve been there and had to work with this stuff to let go and let God. The Serenity Prayer all over again.
It reminded me of my old sponsor. He always said to me to think with my head and not my heart. In other words to learn not to let my emotions run my life. Because I learned that my emotions could take over and I would find that I was all wrapped up in me. How I felt. That could blank out everything else. My primary purpose. My Higher Power. The program. Only how I felt was now ruling my life.
I couldn’t do anything about whoever was on my worry list, my anxiety list, my anger list, and anybody and everybody list. But I was so involved with how I was thinking and feeling that I was all bound up in them and myself. I was powerless over them, but also myself. I couldn’t let go of my thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t listen to others. I would hear their voices but my thoughts and emotions would blank them out. Especially if they were suggesting that I needed to let go and let God.
That I needed to go to more meetings and listen. That I needed to pray and ask my Higher Power for help. That I needed to talk and share with others, but I also needed to listen to what they were saying. Sharing their own experiences with the same kind of stuff. That it was nothing new, except to me.
I guess I was afraid. Fearful that if I stopped worrying about whoever that something dreadful would happen. I think that drove me to somehow believe that somehow I had the power to change whatever it was. I knew when I talked to others that I had no power. But that didn’t change what I was thinking, because my emotions were in control.
So what happened? My sponsor always told me that when all else failed follow directions. The first direction was that when I prayed don’t worry. If I worried don’t pray. That was the beginning. Using the Serenity Prayer and the Third Step prayer. Then I listened to that old timer saying that attitudes are everything. They’re more important than facts. In fact they change the facts.
I began to get a positive attitude. In fact that did begin to change the facts, as I saw them. Then I began to practice using my head instead of my heart. Over time this began to help me to stop my obsessions with others. To let go and let God. For the most part it changed everything. I know that from time to time I tend to forget, but when I find myself trapped inside myself again. I know what it is I can do.
Today I know that I’m powerless over people places and things.
Anyway I couldn’t help but think about all of what I was listening to. I know that I can’t change anyone else’s minds. However I know just thinking about this brought all of it back into focus and reminded me of what my job is. To stay sober and help another alcoholic, if I can.