Two things I was considering today. One was feelings and the other was gratitude. The first, in our discussion today, was that feelings are not facts. They’re just that. Feelings and nothing more.
A long time ago I learned from my sponsor that I had to learn how to change my feelings. Something I never considered, when I was out there drinking. If I was angry, frustrated, resentful, that’s how I felt and I let those things rule my thinking. In here I learned not to trust my feelings. Why? Because, if I was to give them any credibility, it might just lead me back to a drink.
Once again, I had to learn how to mature emotionally. That was something those old timers I listened to a long time ago kept repeating. It’s intellect over emotions. Think rationally and don’t buy into how I feel. Or, as my sponsor always told me, think with my head and not my heart. Bill W. writes about this in his Language of the Heart. Emotional sobriety. Dr. Harry Tiebout, an old supporter of the program early on, talked about the same thing. Has much to do with our unmanageable lives.
Is it possible to change? That’s what this program is all about; Change. Changing me from what I was, when I came in. Changing into a sober alcoholic. Or, as a friend of mine pointed out today, practicing these principles in all of our affairs. That only came about through these Steps and the practice of living a spiritual life. Something I had to learn over time. Didn’t happen in an instant. Time takes time. But, if I will stick with it and not quit and keep on trying, it happens.
Does that mean that I live this life perfectly? Hardly. I found out that I had to keep on trying no matter what. Of course I trip over myself and fall. My emotions take over from time to time. I’m still human and have my faults or character defects. But I also have a Higher Power and the sober people in the program. Plus I can go to meetings and listen like I did today, when we were talking about being restless, irritable, and discontented. But we were talking about the solution.
And one of those solutions, a spiritual solution, is gratitude. For me that’s an action word. If I’m grateful, do I act it out? Yes. Part of practicing these principles in all of my affairs. In spite of how I may feel. One of those is going to meetings. Listening and sharing my experience, strength, and hope. Part and parcel of my primary purpose to stay sober and help another alcoholic.