I have to admit that I’m not surprised, but often puzzled, when I find how easily I can find myself tied up in a little anger. And worst express it, as I did a few minutes ago. Not really anything big, but it disturbed me.
And that’s the point isn’t it? If I’m honest with myself, there isn’t much I have any control over. Except myself. The Serenity Prayer pretty much describes that to me in the first part. Things I’m powerless over. And that is almost everything in my life. A friend of mine often expresses that every time he’s called on at meetings. He gives his name and then says that he’s powerless over people. I identify, but forget at times.
The real point of this is that, after I felt my temper going haywire, I had to stop and ask myself is this what my Higher Power would want of me. And the answer came right back a large “No!”.
I’m not here to do my will, but the God of my understanding’s will for me. And anger is not one of them. I read that prayer twice a day, where that monk said, “Nor do I know myself, and the fact that I think I’m doing your will does not mean that I am.”. That seems to describe me.
I’m supposed to be leading a spiritual way of life and can find myself doing anything but that at times. Problem is that I’m human. I still have faults and can find myself stumbling and bumbling. I know I need to stop and correct what’s wrong and get back on track as soon as possible. I’m supposed to be practicing these principles in all of my affairs.
I know that the spiritual life is not a theory. I have to live it. Part of that is the maintenance of my spiritual condition. I am responsible. I know this is what living a sober life means. I mean to, but, like I said, I can find myself stumbling at times.
Anyway I was thinking about this and just had to express my thoughts. It helps me see more clearly and to change my attitude from negative to positive. Why? Because I’m committed to staying sober. I know there’s no cure for this disease and I don’t want to go back to where I came from. So grateful for these reminders. I need them to wake me up, when I find myself drifting.
In spite of this I am grateful to be here. I owe so much to my Higher Power and this program and the people in it.