We had a person coming back today after a long slip out there. It made me think of what Bill W. wrote about in the First Step in the 12&12. Bottoms and how important a part they play in helping someone like me get sober. Driven by pain to surrender to my being powerless over alcohol and the need to do what is asked of me to get sober.
After the meeting, and even before, I was reminded of bottoms. More bottoms after we’re in here and sober. Bottoms don’t stop. Earlier I had a talk with someone, who was going through another bottom. Anger and resentments.
I was reminded of another old timer, back when I was early on in the program. He got angry at someone and went into a rage. Grabbed the other person and almost strangled them. In the middle of this he suddenly woke up to what he was doing and stopped. He told me that he went into his bathroom and stepped into the shower and turned the water on. As he did he said he fell to his knees and prayed. He had hit a bottom and recognized his being powerless over his emotions. He turned it over to his Higher power and that changed him. He never ever lost his temper like that again.
As I was talking to a friend of mine after the meeting we went through this, talking about other bottoms we face in this program. Doesn’t matter what causes us to reach a point like this, but, when we reach enough pain from one or more of our character defects, we find ourselves once again surrendering to our being powerless and have to make another change. If we don’t and keep harboring whatever it is, we can find ourselves in danger of losing our sobriety. Often times it’s a resentment.
I was thinking about this after I got home. I’ve certainly gone through my share of such things. I know what it is like. And I thought, here I am with long term sobriety, free from the grip of alcohol, but I know that no matter how long I’ve been away from a drink, no matter how many changes I have gone through, the potential to hit another bottom is still there. After all I’m still human and subject to almost anything in my head. Reminds me of the Second Step in many ways. And makes me grateful for the Steps and the help I get from others like myself in the program. I’m so grateful for the meetings and the spiritual solution. My Higher Power.