Couple of things hit me today. One of them came from an old timer. He spoke of something I had heard from old timers years ago. Poor little old me. Feeling sorry for myself.
In a way it almost made me laugh. That’s what I sometimes think about, when I reflect on my anger and my resentments. I believe that’s what they are all about. But that takes honesty on my part to get an open mind and a willingness to look at what’s really going on.
It also made me reflect on what happens, when I take myself too seriously. What an awful state of mind can come from that. Self justification. Justifiable anger. Really? No such thing for this alcoholic. It’s a reminder to me to learn to laugh at myself, which I try to practice on a fairly regular basis. I’m not here to take myself seriously. My sponsor would remind me of that frequently. He’d tell me not to take myself seriously, but to take the program seriously. To get out of my own way.
And that played into the subject of today’s meeting. Staying sober. A subject, which often brings me back to why I came here. The pain and suffering alcohol caused, which brought me to my knees. The surrender to my helplessness and my being powerless. Let alone the fact my life was unmanageable. That happened long before I even picked up a drink. My uncontrollable ego. My running my own life and trying to run others lives. And the mess it made of everything.
It also brings up the whole program and how it saved me, changed my life, and taught me how to live for the first time. How the introduction to the spiritual life started to teach me so much I had failed to grasp before. The Second Step, which opened the door to my Higher Power and this way of life. Breaking down the barriers I had set up for myself. The beginning for me to come to understand the importance of humility. Not to mention gratitude.
This all brought back the importance of willingness. To remain willing no matter how much I might stumble and fall due to my many faults. To never quit and learning to pick myself up and continue down this path to sober living. To continue to hope and have faith, despite my own thinking, and to be open to serving others. All of which was a complete turnaround for this sick and suffering alcoholic, when I came through these doors.
Anyway I was thinking about all of this and talking to others after the meeting. And being reminded to think of my Higher Power and His role in my life and my sobriety. Just so grateful to be sober this day.