One thing I know from learning from others and subsequently my experience, it’s not enough to talk about this program and let it go at that, thinking it’s enough to maintain sobriety. I’ve seen a lot of people do it over time, but eventually it will fail. Either the person gets drunk or certainly unhappy and miserable. That might be enough to change their minds and their lives. It’s happened.
I know what it’s been for me and most of the people I have known. Some have told me my experience. It’s their story too. For me it eventually began with getting into beginning a spiritual way of life, which was a combination of the Steps and changing my whole life. That began with the coming to believe in a Power greater than myself and making that part of my primary purpose. None of this happened over night, over a week, a month. It took a long time. But that’s what I had now that I was sober. Time. I was no longer hanging out in bars.
And yes, the sequence of recovery was as it is stated in the description of our illness. Physical, mental, spiritual. I don’t really know how long it took for the physical part of my illness to get better. Although I was working with doctors at the time, I rarely consulted them. I think one of the turning points was about a year and a half, when I was hospitalized for a hemorrhage. The result of my alcoholism. There were certainly other things, which took time.
The mental began to slowly clear up, as I began to heal physically. I know that I had already begun the Steps, but often found myself fumbling and stumbling to understand them. I spent a lot of time at Step meetings, as well as BB meetings. My head was foggy for quite a while and I often found myself intellectualizing and analyzing. I don’t know who or what I thought I was, but it slowed the process down through my complicating things.
That often was the way of my trying to grow along spiritual lines. Too much thinking. Eventually like so many I had to learn that it was more important to live a spiritual life. That too came very slowly. A combination of the basic program and my sponsors and others, who so generously reached out to me and gave me the guidance I needed. But it was peppered with mistakes galore.
Anyway, since I have a lot of time on my hands lately, I thought I would stop and think about the process I have been going through since I came here. An ongoing process. It will be this way for the rest of my life. I’m not cured and never will be. It’s that kind of disease. But, as long as I keep on trying, I know that I can stay sober.
That’s part of what I was thinking today. And gratitude is always part of my life. I am so grateful that I was given the opportunity and the gift of sobriety. Grateful to the God of my understanding and all those members in my life, who share their experience strength and hope with me. I never have to do this alone.