A friend of mine called me and asked would I write something on the overblown ego. Grandiosity, as a matter of fact. I almost got laughing, when they did. I think they thought it was something they owned. No way. It’s us. That overblown ego we all suffer from.
Maybe today it doesn’t seem that way for some of us, but believe me, when I say, it’s still down there. Maybe it’s disguised. We can give ourselves excuses that we are not all that important, but something comes up and there it is. It might be right under our noses, but we don’t see it. Why? Because I’ve changed, haven’t I? Hmm. That’s why I need someone else to talk to. Someone, who knows me and can see where I’m going. Being open and honest with another alcoholic like myself. That was what she was doing.
Even though what she thought of doing was writing an email it was going to be aimed at changing someone. And who knows more than that than someone like us. We can give the instructions that they need like no one else can. I can almost see the text she hasn’t written. But what did she do instead? She stepped back and called someone and asked for help. Talk about the opposite of grandiosity. A little humility instead.
It was almost like what I talked about the other night, when in doubt don’t. I know if I practice that I can keep myself from going down the wrong path, regardless of what I think my intentions are. The problem is that most of us were in charge of everything. At least that’s what we believed and had to come here and learn how to get out of the driver’s seat on the bus and go to the back and sit down. I needed to let my Higher Power drive the bus.
I know we can act as if we’re humble and still find ourselves trying to get things done our way so we get what we want. I can convince myself that’s not true, but if I told someone else what I was doing they’d see it in a minute. I’ve “turned things over to someone else”, but somehow I still have “control”. No wonder we find ourselves bothered by the word “grandiosity”.
Is this the end of the world? Of course not. We’re still human. Our character defects are still there. It’s the human condition. None of us are saints. We’re here still trying to stay sober. I think we still have a problem with guilt. I know I can get caught up in that stuff in a flash. I need to stop and run the Tenth Step by my mind and then do whatever is necessary to correct whatever it is that is wrong. And then go to Step Eleven and try to get out of myself in Twelve.
I always need to go back to what I learned early on in this program about spiritual growth. First comes the idea of never quitting. Sticking to learning to live a spiritual life no matter what. Then comes hope. That turns into faith and faith leads to love. Having hope that my Higher Power can do for me what I can’t do for myself. And then, not quitting and hanging in, we find the results in our lives of the God of our understanding doing for us what we need and that reinforces our faith our belief. And from there we learn to reach out to others and try to help them. But all the while we hang in and maintain, hope, faith, and love, based on maintaining endurance in spite of everything.
Does it work? Absolutely. I know so many, who have gone through so much to reach a point where they are willing to let go and let God always. Our Second and Third Steps. Our Eleventh.
Just grateful to be able to step back and think about all of this.