One thing for certain is that today is today. If I were to say that to a “normal” person I’m sure they would look at me like I had something loose upstairs. Fact is I probably do. But for an alcoholic like me I know that each and everyday is special. Just the day itself. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. So all I have is right now.
And this is the only day I can stay sober. This is the only day I can slip up and take a drink. This is a day when I need to concentrate on what’s important. And what’s that? That’s investing myself in this spiritual program in order to stay sober. I may have done the same yesterday and all my yesterdays but none of them are going to play a part in today. No, I have to step back and begin my day as I am supposed to each and everyday.
All those previous days I have been working this program into my life were there to condition me to be able the face the next day in front of me, when it comes. Like right now. Today.
To some this may seem like a waste of time stopping to spend time on the day right in front of me. After all here it is what’s so special? The truth is that if I will stop and think about it I can only stay sober one day at a time. I learned that way back, when I came in. I was fortunate that I had been freed of the bondage of alcohol, before I walked through these doors. But I was aware that many of the newer people around me were struggling to stay away from a drink. Just for today. Amazing.
I never want to forget that. It impressed on me that each and everyday I just have that day. And what I do in this day is all that’s important. Tomorrow is another day. I have to do today what it is that I need to do in order to maintain my sobriety. I’m no different than any other alcoholic like myself. This disease is not going anywhere. It has been arrested, but not cured. There is no cure. But there is healing.
When I say that I’m talking about how much healing has been placed within me by my Higher Power. The lightening of the weight of all that emotional junk I came into this program with. I know that one of my goals was placed before me by my sponsor and a lot of those old timers.
Over time I have been pretty much relieved of most of these. A kind of healing of what had been lost in my unconscious mind, which is the source of these emotions. The emotional maturity Bill wrote about. And this long after he had written the comment he did in the Eighth Step in the Twelve and Twelve. Always amazed me.
Anyway I’m drifting from my thoughts on today. To arise in the morning, to give thanks, and to pray and reintroduce myself to my Higher Power and ask for the help I need this day. Then to be able to go out do whatever this day presents me with. Work or play or whatever. Hopefully to be able to get together with people like myself. Other alcoholics, who want to stay sober. To learn not to get upset, when things seem to be off track and not going well. To be able to contact someone in the program, especially a sponsor, and be able to present whatever it is to them and then listen. To be able to start my day over if it’s slipping into the negative. To replace it with the positive attitude I need. To be open to help someone else, if possible. To be ready to put these Steps into action and to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
Sounds like a crammed up day. But it never is. It can be. Depends. But the truth is that what I experience in most of my days is freedom, happiness, and joy. Often touched with serenity and peace. Not because I’m anyone or anything special. Just another grateful alcoholic, who has come to realize what it is I have been given. This day.