One thing I never want to forget is just how hopeless and helpless I was before I came here. Of course I had no idea what was wrong with me except I could not stop drinking no matter how hard I tried. I mean to be so dark within. Total despair and suicidal.
Why bring this thought up? Because of what my sponsor told me and others. He told me I was not responsible for being here and my sobriety. He then told me I was responsible for my staying sober and doing what this program asked of me.
I always want to remember that I have an incurable disease. Alcoholism. I’ll have it the rest of my life. I also want to remember why it is that I never want to take a drink again. Ever. When I look back at what it was that brought me here and how I was when I came here, it’s the kind of reminder I need to get my attention back to where it belongs. I am responsible.
To me this is a reminder of the spiritual awakening. What it was that restored me to sanity, as far as alcohol is concerned. That Second Step and all that followed. How much gratitude I owe to my Higher Power and all those who helped me along the way.
When I look back I have to admit it was really a miracle which opened the door for me. I felt the end of the world was right in front of me. Yet someone stopped me and found someone, who had met someone the day before, when his own drinking made the man he was treating to call his attention to it. That man was in the program, and that young man called that man and he told him about the program for drunks like me. I mean what are the chances, sitting in a bar, going nuts over what I was drinking and thinking about ending my life, that this kind of thing could happen?
Sitting here after all this time being free from alcohol, which once owned me, it’s what the BB said, that it was beyond my wildest dreams. Unbelievable. Yet it’s a fact each and everyday I wake up and draw a deep breath and begin another trip down this path I have been put on. I never want to forget where I came from. It’s a perfect reminder of why I never want to drink again and makes me aware of all I have to be grateful for. The past may be the past. I know that. I know I live in the present. But I need the reality of what is. I’m an alcoholic and all that goes with that.
Just thinking about sobriety.