An old friend of mine wrote me about last night’s thought on ego deflation. We both “grew up” together in this program and we both were exposed to my old sponsor and his wife. Both were old timers and never hesitated to tell us the truth and open our minds and our hearts.
Once again it was a reminder to both of us just how valuable humiliation could be for self centered alcoholics like ourselves. It was what led us through the door to humility. A reduction in the size of our egos and our selfish thoughts and feelings. It helped us to begin to think and help others like ourselves by getting out of ourselves. Amazing to both of us, when we looked back on our experiences through the years in here.
I know it was a reminder for both of us of the value of the Second Step and the beginning of the spiritual life. That part of our life, which has become so essential in our recovery and spiritual awakenings. Both of us can see examples again and again how fortunate we were to be where we were at the time and the influence those old timers had in helping us to change.
I couldn’t help but think about the influence my old sponsor and his wife had on our human condition and our spiritual lives. Not just their words but their examples. They would never hesitate to get in our faces and tell us the truth we needed. But I was thinking about something which happened one night, for instance. The phone rang and it was my sponsor’s wife. She told me that she wanted me to come over and talk to my sponsor. I was shocked. Who me? Yes, you. So I did.
When I got there I asked where he was. She said he’s in the bedroom. So I took a deep breath and went in. He was getting dressed up to go to Baltimore to visit his brother and try to help him get sober. He had become obsessed with this mission for the past two weeks. I just stood there until he looked up and smiled. I nodded and just said, “I know what you’d tell me.” He stopped. Shook his head and took off the suit and got into his old clothes. “Thanks,” he said. “Let’s go to a a meeting.”
It was his humility which almost overwhelmed me. If it had been me I know someone would have had to hit me up by the side of my head to get my attention. That memory is etched deep within and I have never forgotten, not just his humility, but his wife’s for asking someone like me to do what I did.
Every once in a while I will hear a sober member speak about humility and its value to them and their sobriety. Often they will relate their experiences in learning the hard way through humiliation. Always I can relate. Learning to get out of ourselves and reaching out to others. What a gift.