Whenever the subjects raised in meetings are the Third and the Eleventh Steps I know we are going to get a lot of passes and different viewpoints. Mainly I have to say because of the program’s open door policy on individual beliefs or non beliefs.
That I know was the hopes of those early members, when they were writing the Steps. Making sure that all alcoholics would be able to join and survive this disease. They wanted sobriety to be open to everyone regardless. The emphasis is on spirituality. Again that is up to each and every individual in this program to find their way of living in this regard. The main thing is that we are told the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. That’s what’s most important.
I always go back to a lot of what Bill W. had to say about these Steps. Particularly the Eleventh. He had composed the 12&12 about five years before he wrote his thoughts on the Eleventh in particular. And his opening thoughts are, when he went back and read it, that he felt like a beginner. He seemed to feel that he had gotten stale.
He talks about a couple of reasons. One is meditation itself. The other is the Twelfth Step. His involvement in helping others. He points out the popularity of this Step with him and others. My guess is being “still”, as opposed to “action”, is where the problem started.
For myself and others I hear or have talked to, quieting the mind has always been a problem. I know from my own experience that taking time out to sit quietly for a period of time and concentrate has always been fractured by dozens of unrelated thoughts. My old “joke” about this is to start a prayer and have it immediately interrupted by something like asking who won the game last night? More real than I care to think. And I had to find a way out of this pattern.
Over a period of years in this program I had gotten into the routine of writing journals about what was I was experiencing living this way of life in the program. At some point I came to realize that, when I stopped and pulled aside to do this, I could focus my attention by writing. For that period of time I was quiet and peaceful and open to relating to more spiritual thoughts as they related to whatever the subject was, in the sense that eventually they would arrive near the point the Eleventh Step was focused on. To improve our conscious contact with the God of our understanding and praying for knowedge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
I had to stop and think about this, as I am writing at the moment. I think I started this about an hour ago. Since then I read Bill in the Language of the Heart on the Eleventh Step. I have paused throughout and contemplated a lot of what I have read and what I have been thinking. That often happens as I do this on a pretty much daily basis.
Like Bill I sometimes feel like a beginner also. On the other hand maybe not so much. I think I’m open to too much self criticism. However I think he was more talking about not feeling or thinking he was all that spiritual. On that point I definitely have to agree as far as I am concerned. But for myself I know that, probably like he really was, I don’t ever want to stop trying each and everyday. I know that it is part of growing along spiritual lines, even though I may never be aware of it. Part of staying sober.
Anyway I didn’t talk about any of this at the meeting. When I got home at one point I knew that I had to put my desires to think and do other things aside and take the time to do what I’m doing at the moment. I know that when I do this, even though I naturally try to avoid it, I almost always achieve moments of quiet and peace within myself. And someplace within all of this I begin to become aware of what I have hoped I might be able to achieve.
I’ll stop here and let my thoughts go into a moment of gratitude. I need to thank my Higher Power for all that he has done for me in aiding me to stay sober and grow in this program. The miracle of my sobriety and my life almost often startles me when I think about it. It’s amazing. Like my sponsor often told me, I was not responsible for getting sober and coming into this program. Then he would tell me that I was responsible for staying sober and working this program. And that’s what is going on now. Like I said, I am so grateful.