After going through the Doctor’s Opinion yesterday the thought of the Spiritual Awakening still dominated my thoughts last night and today. This all was not an overnight thing and still can be difficult for me. In fact I heard another old timer say the same thing today.
I know that the spiritual life is not a theory. But I also know that consciously living in a spiritual life is not always easy. How many people I have talked to through the years have told me the same thing. Not too long ago I talked with someone with almost 60 years in this program and it was the same thing. We talked about praying and what happened often in prayers, when our minds would wander off.
Our conscious contact with the God of our understanding has been so difficult for so many of us…
And this makes me stop right here. Why am I thinking about all of this in such a “negative” way? The truth is that I’m really not. At least I know from my own experiences in here how real the spiritual life is. I think it’s up to each and everyone of us, regardless of our beliefs or disbeliefs, to put this spiritual life into action each and everyday we stay sober.
In fact I know that’s how I stay sober. I’ve certainly seen and experienced changes within me which seemed never ever there before I began to do that Second Step. In fact maybe before, when I look back. I’m not going into all of these. I have shared some of these with individuals, but that was my choice and not something I feel I need to do in general.
I know from own experience and that of others with whom I have shared that there is definitely a very real need for hope and faith to be practiced on a regular basis. For instance just going to meetings for instance is one of these. Practicing these Steps in my life is another. Studying and reading the BB, the 12&12, and other program material is necessary on a regular basis.
I know that doubt is something I know I need to overcome and do away with. When I step away from this my experience is that my belief, my faith, is reinforced. I often stop and think about the hopes I have had and my experiences, when they have been fulfilled. Often without any expectations on my part. The spiritual awakening, that restoration to sanity, was one of these. But just going back to these fulfillment’s since I came through these doors is one of the inventories of my experiences which reinforces my faith. Nothing I knew at the time in most cases. But just reviewing things, which happened to me, proves and strengthens my spiritual awakenings.
I remember reading a lot of these experiences in the literature published, such as from the Grapevine. Talking and sharing with others has definitely been another source of bolstering my faith and giving me new hope. It’s up to me to be active in this spiritual way of life and not sit back and eventually begin to lose this gift I have been given. It’s proof to me that we have to live this spiritual life. Often getting active in Twelfth Step work is definitely a way of making this way of life active. It’s one way I know I can grow along spiritual lines.
I know one incident I can go back to, which happened a long time ago. I was thinking about this recently. It came about because I had doubts that I had ever worked the Seventh Step. All of a sudden a memory hit me. I remember kneeling down with the weight of the world on my shoulders from all of my character defects. At that moment I let go and turned them over. I’ll leave the rest of this alone. I know exactly what happened next. I can never forget.
That Second Step opened the door for me. I think it does for each and everyone of us, regardless of what our concepts are. It’s up to each and everyone to step through that door and begin to learn to rely on whatever it is we begin to depend upon. If I will do this on a day to day basis I know I find I am still sober and still living a way of life, which often fills me with peace and serenity. A new freedom and a new happiness.
Just thinking and meditating about staying and living a sober life.