We were talking about the Sixth Step and someones drunk dream. However a lot of other thoughts went through my mind. One of them was about our character defects and the nature of this disease.
I have a disease called alcoholism. I remember reading in the BB a couple of times the title, which would fit me. A chronic alcoholic. And the thing about this disease is that it’s physical as well as mental. And as Dr. Silkworth pointed out, it’s the nature of this disease that the mental has no way to deal with the drinking. It’s physical period. And that’s exactly where the difference between the restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening comes in.
It’s one thing to be a human being and have our character defects like we do and another to have a disease for which there is no cure. That was where, as the doctor described it, we had to have a psychic change. But, as Dr. Jung in the chapter There Is A Solution pointed out, it wasn’t a psychic change we needed. Not for the alcoholic anyway. It had to be spiritual. And that began the change, which opened the door to this program.
Over and over again I’ve had to stop and think about this in the program. I can never forget what happened to me, when I stopped drinking and finally decided I needed to do what was being asked of me. Both were the beginning of what Dr. Jung was talking about. Spiritual. I prayed to the God of my understanding and was released from the hold alcohol had on me. I’ve heard the same thing over and over in these rooms from others, who did the same thing I did and got the same results. And we all think it to be a miracle.
Then in here I was introduced to the Second Step and that opened the door to a spiritual way of life. Eventually it brought about the restoration to sanity I needed, as far as alcohol is concerned. The spiritual awakening.
But then I have come to realize there’s a big difference between my disease and my human nature. The character defects I have acquired over the years. No wonder the First Step has me, us, to surrender to two desperate truths. The first, of course is my being powerless over alcohol. And the second, which is separate, because it was always there from the beginning. My unmanageable life. What was developed by my out of control ego. The other, the alcoholism, was something in my genes, which I had inherited.
This last was one I didn’t cause. And, yes, the other was my problem and that’s where the
Sixth Step comes in. And, as said above, the solution for both begins with the Second Step. The spiritual way of life.
I know one thing about that Sixth Step, which I know I desperately need to avoid, is my saying “No, never. I’ll never give this up.” I read that in the literature and have done everything I could to not think or say that. Willingness to turn to my Higher Power and ask for help with these defects took time. Yet, here I am over all this time, aware that these are still there. They continue to pop up from time to time. However they have changed. They’re not as much a problem, as they once were. They’ve been modified by my willingness to change and by the help I have been given by this spiritual way of life.
I also realize what that one spiritual man said about all of this. That no matter what we’re still human beings. We’re not saints. So, it’s up to me to pay attention and remember who and what I am. I’m still and alcoholic, powerless over alcohol. Always will be the rest of my life. And the other is that I’m just another human being, still struggling, to pay attention to what I need to and not drink a day at a time. And that’s why I need to go to meetings and pray and meditate. I can’t do this alone. I need all the help I can get.