One of the things I treasure most in this program are old friends, going way back. The amount of compassion and love is amazing. One of them called me today and we talked for over an hour. Sharing back and forth. Things that bothered us, things which we had shared and benefited from, and the good will between us and others.
One of the things which came up was the necessity of learning what the Serenity Prayer has to do with our relationships over time. I know from my own experience that I have little or no power over anyone else. I have always had to laugh, when I think about how little effect I had in changing minds of those in my family for instance. I remember my younger brother, when, after I had gotten sober, and I tried to help him stop his own drinking out of control. His anger almost led to blood shed. He never wanted to talk to me ever again.
Later I was to learn something from my sponsor which I desperately needed. I should have known better. And that was MYOB. I had to learn to mind my own business, if I wanted to let go of exercising my own judgment, which could be damaging to others and myself. I had to learn to say that Serenity Prayer over and over again.
I learned from my brother and so many others, that, if they didn’t want to listen or believe anything, they never would. Unless, of course, intense pain could drive them to surrender. Say like a Twelfth Step call, where the alcoholic wants to argue. Or just stays silent and walks away and then goes and gets a drink. I have seen this happen so many times it’s not funny. Talk about wanting to control everything.
Amazing how huge our egos are. The alcoholic ego. My friend and I talked about this and the way it was, when we came in. We really got laughing, when we each shared how our sponsors and those old timers would go out of their way to humiliate us. They did that to puncture the huge balloons we called our egos. And it worked for both of us, even though it wasn’t easy. And both of us expressed our gratitude to these people, who helped us to grow along spiritual lines.
After I had finally taken the Second Step and opened the door to beginning to live a spiritual way of life, my mind began to become open in so many areas, like learning to mind my own business and other things. That’s when I was in church one Sunday morning, when a monk, who was the celebrant, stopped and delivered a sermon, which almost knocked the wind out of me.
He said that there were no “road maps” in religion. However, he said, there was one program, who had a perfect road map for anyone who wanted it. That he said was AA. And that road map was the Twelve Steps. If we followed it we would arrive at where we needed to go. I can still remember that moment and I never want to forget that.
More than that though, it was this man, who opened a door for me into my relationship in the Second Step. He was the one who said there are four things we all needed to learn. The first of which was that we needed to learn how to persevere in becoming spiritual. To never quit. That was the first. The second was that we needed to develop hope and never let go of that. The third was that we needed to develop faith. To grow along spiritual lines we needed to begin to believe, when we saw our hopes being fulfilled. And the fourth was to begin to grow in love. Later I grew to see this as compassion in the Twelfth Step in dealing with others like myself. And also in the friendships which developed in here over time.
He also said that if we stopped working on one of these in our lives we would lose all of them. I try to keep all of this in my mind each and everyday as part of my staying sober a day at a time. It all has had a deep effect on my spiritual way of life.
Anyway I knew I had to stop and think about all of this. To sit and meditate on what we have learned over time and need to put into practice. I know how much influence this has had over my program and my life. I have not only come to hope in my staying sober, but to develop faith in my Higher Power. And to become willing to reach out to others, when they ask for help. To stay out of the way, when I learn that I need to mind my own business. That’s another way of expressing love, whether I know it or not. And to never ever stop doing what I have learned in here.
Once again it’s taking a few moments to think about staying sober another day. I need to express my gratitude for all that I have been given.