Today I was reminded of a number of things. One of them was the subject “acceptance” at today’s meeting. Heard a lot of stuff, which brought my mind back to what it was like for me, when I came in. Definitely not easy for an alcoholic like me. I know that’s what a lot of them said early on in their talks.
However many were reminded of personal problems and that’s where my mind went back to what my sponsor told me. Had to think about it and tell it like it is for me following the directions I was given.
The first was my memory of the old timer who yelled me down at a meeting one night. Like someone today, who had just come in and took the time to talk. In fact two of them. He yelled at me to “Shut up!” He asked me if I had worked these Steps. Of course I hadn’t. In fact I really didn’t know what he was talking about. I had done everything I could to avoid what was going on in meetings. He told me that I didn’t know what I was talking about. That I needed to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. To get an open mind and an open heart and begin to learn what I needed in here to stay sober.
And all of that was followed by my old sponsor, who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And he added that I was educated beyond my intelligence. Can’t ever forget that, because he was so right. It woke me up. He also told me that I was to leave what I had learned outside the doors of these rooms, along with my personal problems. Those too had to be left until I could talk to my sponsor or someone else. They didn’t belong in meetings, I was told.
The reason for meetings was for me to learn how to work this program. The Steps and Traditions. The messages of the BB and the 12&12. How to stay sober. The things I needed to do. I also needed to be reminded and learn those things I often forget.
Additionally he told me that none of this could be accomplished overnight. That time was going to take time. Not easy but do-able, if I was willing to grow along spiritual lines.
I was also told that none of us in here are equipped to be giving advice to others about their problems. I was told that I was not a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, an attorney, or any other kind of professional, whom someone might need to take care of their relationships, financial, or mental and physical problems. And that even those properly equipped to practice in these fields, who were alcoholics, were not here to practice these either.
After I had offered this another old timer came over and shook my hand and said that we definitely had similar stories. The same thing had happened to him.
Later, after I got home, a long time friend of mine in this program sent me the document Spiritus contra spiritum. The story of how this program began, starting with Dr. Carl Jung and the young man, whom he counseled to get a spiritual experience and all that happened after he did. Worth the being reminded. Very reinforcing for someone like me with the accomplishments of all those old timers, like Bill W., Ebby T., and the Oxford Group, Dr. Silkworth, and others. Then there was Bill’s letter to Dr.Jung and Dr. Jung’s response.
Had some great reminders today of just why I am here. Makes me very grateful, because all this has been so successful in helping me to stay sober a day at a time. And proof that I cannot not do this alone. I need all the help I can get, beginning with my Higher Power and all the people I have known in here since I came in. Thanks.