I sometimes wonder if I really know what has happened to me. I mean after time it is so easy to forget. I do realize that I’m an alcoholic and that my life was totally unmanageable. I can look back and see what had happened to me. How I almost drank myself into a grave. But do I really know?
We were talking about getting sober and staying sober today. And that brought all of this up this evening. How easy it is to say I know, but then walk away like nothing had happened. I sure don’t want to go there. I know how easy it is, but I also know how important it is for me to remember that I am an alcoholic. Just because an alcoholic drink is not on my mind doesn’t mean I’m cured. I still have this disease. And I have seen others who forgot and went out and got drunk again. Not good.
That’s why I have to be reminded that this disease of alcoholism will be with me the rest of my life. I know I have to remind myself of what is wrong with me. Just because things have changed as I have doesn’t mean that I can allow myself to forget what happened and where I came from and where I can go back to, if I’m not careful and get careless. The truth is that I need to remind myself each and everyday. I have to remember it’s a day at a time.
I never want to forget that.
One way of doing this is to go to meetings. I know at meetings I get to hear what I often forget. It’s possible that I can get reminded of what it is I need to know and practice so I can remain sober. I get to identify with others just like myself. I get to see and hear what happens to those who have stepped outside these doors and taken another drink. I also get to see those new men and women who are trying to get sober and desire to start working this program into their lives. Often just looking and listening brings back to mind what I need to remember.
More importantly I get an opportunity to once again to do that Second Step. To renew my commitment to this spiritual way of life. I can sit and renew my faith in a Power greater than myself. To quietly pray and say what I need to my Higher Power. I know that others come here and do just that. How easy it is to just flit by this need within me. And then I’m given the opportunity to regenerate this Step, which opened the door to this program.
I never want to forget what I have been given as a result of being exposed to this program and the process of changing everything within me. To come to depend on my Higher Power, who is really what has restored me to sanity and given me a spiritual awakening. Who also is the main support of my sobriety. Again, I need to remember all of this.
That’s exactly why I need to sit down and focus by writing down my thoughts on my sobriety each and everyday, if I can. It’s what makes me conscious of exactly why I am here. It builds up within me all that I have learned in here from my old sponsor, the old timers, and all the people, my close friends, and others like myself. If I believe, as I do, that I cannot stay sober by myself I know I need to stay close to all these other alcoholics like myself.
And then I know that I also need to remind myself to practice these principles in my life and share them with others. To remember that the spiritual life is not a theory. That I, we, have to live it. To put the Third Step into action. To let go and let the God of my understanding do for me what I cannot do for myself. To make that commitment each and everyday. To go to that Eleventh Step and wherever possible the Twelfth.
Anyway I just wanted to sit down and think about all of this. I know it’s important.