I know I’ve said this before, but I know I often think about this. How fortunate an alcoholic like myself is to be where I am today. I mean I’m in here, still alive and sober. And the one thing, which stands out in my mind, is that I am so grateful that I’m an alcoholic. It’s exactly that which opened the door to this program for me.
At the meeting today, which was the chip day of the month, where others like myself, celebrated their coming in. And a few of them expressed the same thing I was thinking. Their gratitude was so obvious. Made me feel what they were experiencing.
I thought, like them, what it was like when I got here. I came in knowing that I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I had tried. I had no understanding of what was wrong. That’s all I knew at the time. The idea of alcoholism hadn’t crossed my mind. I was totally ignorant. And then I get in here and I received my first BB. I guess someone must have pointed out the opening chapter, The Doctor’s Opinion. I read that and suddenly it hit me. That was me they were describing. I discovered that I had a disease called alcoholism.
For the first time I finally knew what was wrong with me. It actually placed me in a position of ease. It really made me grateful to know that. And I have never really forgotten that moment. To me it was a miracle. Almost like the miracle I had experienced, when I finally begged God to stop me from drinking and that’s exactly what happened. The mental obsession and the mindless craving were gone.
I look back and have to think how blessed I was. I never had to go back out and drink again. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t having a rough time in the beginning. I did. Talked to a couple of friends of mine today about those early times and the difficulties we experienced. Nothing new to any of us. What amazed me about those periods, which were hardly overnight experiences, was that I really didn’t think about a drink despite what I was suffering at that time. One of the gifts I was given, when I arrived in here.
I look back and see the hope I had experienced from the very beginning. No matter what junk I was going through, that hope was still there. It might have seemed just out of sight, but it was still there nevertheless. I had received that hope before I arrived here. It came from an alcoholic like myself, who had found out that day that there was a place where I could possibly get sober. And then the hope which almost overwhelmed me when I came through the doors to my first meeting. I can still remember what I experienced walking into the room. It was a feeling that I had come home for the first time in my life. I never wanted to forget that either and I haven’t.
Anyway, as I sat there today I felt very grateful for all that has been given to me. Not just the sobriety, which is the main theme in my life, but all the other gifts. Like I just said, hope. That seems to have been a theme all through this time in here. That and finally finding a spiritual way of life and the belief, the faith, which followed as a result of my hopes being fulfilled. And, of course, as I began to apply this program to my life, the love, which was extended to me. And then to learn from those, who gave me this, how to go on and give that same love away to others like myself.
At this moment I need to extend this gratitude to my Higher Power and of course all the people I have met in here, who have helped me. Specifically my sponsor, those old timers I met, and the friends I grew to love and care for, plus those I continue to meet each and every day at meetings. My thanks to each and everyone.