There was a lot of stuff running through my mind today. I heard a number of things from several people in the program, who were having difficulty in their relationships. Made me think about my life in this program back a while ago.
One of them reminded me of edging on complacency in one sense. Not a safe place to be in. Kind of like the danger of resentments. Both could lead back to a drink. I’m sure that the person was rethinking these thoughts when we were talking. Part of that I’m sure was prompted by wanting to be in control again. And that was the result of denying their anger within.
Made me think of the control emotions have over our thinking and our actions. All of them had run into conflict with their partners. And that reminded me of the topics at today’s meeting. The Second Step and faith. What it is that can relieve us of the control emotions have over us. To learn to step aside from them and ask for help from our Higher Power if we can and if we want to.
When I was thinking about all of this stuff, I was thinking about staying sober. What we all need to be thinking about, especially when our emotions have taken over control of our minds. In fact I reminded one of them that, if we really want to stay sober, we have to remember to place ourselves first. After all it’s my sobriety which is the most important thing in my life. I need to always be aware of that. It’s not about puffing our egos up. It’s about the reality of what I’m dedicated to doing. Staying sober and working this program. I never want to forget that.
And, of course, to put all of this into effect it requires me to dedicate myself to this spiritual way of life. I need to have hope and faith in my Higher Power. To continue to practice this to the best of my ability. Not an easy task for me. And I know that is true of a number of others, who have shared their stories with me. But I know I need to keep on trying and not allow myself to become discouraged. To remind myself that I’m a human being and have all the weaknesses and problems of being human. And all of that is compounded by my being an alcoholic.
Rather than being down and discouraged by whatever is going on, I know there are things I need to do. One of them is to stop at times and start my day over. Easy to forget that and get pulled down into a pit I might be digging for myself. I also know that I have to practice the Tenth Step and admit to myself that, when I’m disturbed, there’s something wrong with me. And I need to get honest with myself and change whatever it is. Again it is often things, which have been fed by our emotions.
I also know that considering the spiritual way of life may slow me down from going off in the wrong direction. I remember my sponsor always telling me that, when in doubt, don’t. I was told to back up and take a deep breath and stop. That warning over time has kept me from a lot of junk I might have fallen into. That thought should be a reminder to start my day over. To go back and rededicate myself with the prayers and thoughts with which I had begun my day. If I can step aside fine. If I can’t there’s always a moment, when I can work the Serenity Prayer in my mind.
But if I’m off the track, I know that the moment I find that I am, it’s up to me to get back on track. Sometimes I might need the help and assistance of another member in here. If possible I may have to call them and talk to them. Again, if I can’t, I know that there are short silent prayers I can say within. In any case I remember being told that I need to always persevere. To never quit and keep on trying no matter what.
And, as I was told to grab on and hold onto hope and not let go. And, when my hopes are realized to begin to reach out into faith. To grow along in faith and deepen my belief in my Higher Power. To continue to persevere and not quit and start to grow in love. Compassion. And to practice this in helping others like myself.
Anyway, this is where my mind was going today. And I’m grateful because it’s all about staying sober. Never ever want to forget that.