A long time friend of mine in this program sent me an email today with the title The Storm Will Pass. It was a perfect title for a lot of my thoughts today. After all I can look back at to what has happened to me in this program and that is a perfect description of the troubles I have faced. Kind of reminds me of what the UN Secretary General, a very spiritual man, Dag Hammarskjold, said in his prayer of thanksgiving to his Higher Power. For all that has happened, Thanks. To which he added, For all that will happen, Yes.
It brought back to mind what introduced me to this program. Hope. I can never forget that, because it was that which started the surrender I made, which stopped me from drinking alcohol. It opened the door to the Second Step. Hope being fulfilled. The beginning of faith in what my Higher Power was doing for me and continues to do.
With all what was unmanageable that I dragged in with me, it’s a wonder I could stay sober. Somehow I never had a problem with that kind of thinking. Again the hope and the growing trust and faith in the God of my understanding helped me to continue on in spite of what I seemed to be facing. Part of that growing faith within me was supplied by my sponsor’s support and that of the men and women here in this program. And of course learning to put these Twelve Steps into action. And the strength I gained from going to meetings. Being able to sit and listen to what I needed to do to stay sober and grow along spiritual lines.
I’ve seen so many others in these rooms, who have had to face so many tough times and yet never once thought about a drink or went back out again. Men and women, who showed me examples of persevering in hope and faith in their Higher Power and this program. How often I’ve seen them, despite carrying heavy weights of their problems, never hesitate to reach out to others like ourselves and help them to achieve sobriety. Practicing the spiritual principles of this program.
I don’t have to go into the details of these great examples I have been able to witness, but I can never forget one of them, who called me from where he was in a place of great peril and talked to me about prayer and meditation. For him and for so many of us it was evidence of how the God of our understanding was giving us the courage and the strength to stay sober and live this life in the way we should, despite what we seemed to be facing.
I had to learn from my sponsor and others how not to project into the future. I had to learn to practice keeping my attention on where I was at the moment. Not saying that I did this perfectly. I didn’t. But when I found myself wandering into anxiety and fear I learned to share and listen to others, who had been where I was. I learned to listen to them and to go to meetings, where I experienced the weights I was under being lifted off of me.
I cannot help but think of what miracles I seemed to have experienced. In all of this time, despite whatever was happening, I have never picked up a drink. Nor, as I have witnessed, have so many others like myself, who went through their own troubles. We all found that, if we did what we were supposed to, practiced these principles in all of our affairs, freely gave what was so freely given to us, to keep the hopes and faith we were offered, and followed that up with love, that these storms always passed. I’m so grateful to my friend for sending me this message. It was perfect.
Nevertheless, as I said, despite all of this, I can say I never achieved perfection. And I know I never will. Despite my thoughts on the spiritual life I am not a saint. Nor will I ever be. I’m just another alcoholic. I have this permanent disease and will for the rest of my life. I’m a human being subject to weakness and my faults. But, oh, so grateful to being able to find a Power greater than myself, who has taken care of me in spite of myself.