Today I was put into a position of ignorance. Someone wanted to talk about the Serenity Prayer. What they really wanted was to talk about the wisdom to know the difference. That almost cracked me up. When they called on me I had to tell them I had no wisdom.
Fortunately the other topic was on where “my wisdom” comes from. It was the Second Step. If I am to have the help I need in this life, it’s there. My Higher Power. It’s obvious from that prayer that the truth in this life is that I have no power over anyone else. In fact I have little or no power as I look at things. I know that my self centered ego wants to tell me that I have control over everyone and everything. But the truth is that I haven’t. All I have to do is to look around at the frustrations in my life and come to realize that I don’t.
If I have “wisdom” it’s to recognize that I need to back off and turn things over to my Higher Power, who has done things for me, which I could never have done for myself. Ever. For instance to stop me from drinking alcohol. I never could stop drinking on my own. I tried that over and over again and I just became more uncontrolled. It was my surrendering to the God of my understanding which relieved me of the bondage of alcohol. Then I was given the wisdom I needed in this program to recognize what was wrong with me. I found in here that I had a disease over which I had no control. And what is really wrong with me is lack of power. Then I was shown that the solution is spiritual.
That Serenity Prayer tells me I had to learn to accept those things over which I had no power. Then it tells me that if I could change things I need the courage to do so. However that’s where it tells me that I would have to have the wisdom to know the difference between the things I cannot change and that which I can. And that’s where the trouble starts for someone like me, whose self centered ego wants to take charge. Or, having failed on other occasions, fear of failure takes over.
My sponsor told me a long time ago that when in doubt don’t. I was told to step back, take a deep breath, and wait. Meaning I needed to pray. To ask for help. To go to someone I trust and ask them for their advice, after I have shared what’s going on with me. Then, no matter what, to place my trust in my Higher Power. I was told when I do that the answer will come. And it has before. Especially when I least expected it.
All of this has so much to do with my staying sober a day at a time. Saying that Serenity Prayer often, as I know so many of us have done. And it does bring peace to me, when I do. I can let go of what is bothering me. My emotions are quieted. My attitude toward things is positive rather than negative. I’m able I find to be able to live and act just like those old timers, who taught me what I know today.
I know that I can’t go it alone. Stay sober that is. I need the people in this program. And when I go to meetings I’m able to not only listen, but I’m able to meet and talk with those in here. Over the years I have been able to establish some really close friendships and come to depend on them for advice and the help I need. Hopefully I can return the same to them.
All this dependent on the love and compassion which has developed within me, as a result of working this program and following the directions I was given by my sponsor and those old timers.
As always, after I came home, I needed to sit down and think about this day. To take the time to meditate on my sobriety and the God of my understanding. I know that the result has been a new happiness and a new freedom. Peace of mind and serenity. The Promises. I can’t help but be grateful for all I have been given.