A friend of mine asked me to concentrate on trying to help other alcoholics like ourselves. And, of course, dealing with other people in our lives.
What we were talking about was what gives so many of us so much trouble. The fact of the matter that I have no power over anyone. I cannot, no matter what I do, control or direct others to do my will. And here, once again, I am at what my relationship with my Higher Power, tells me I must do. What I learned in this program. To commit myself to the Serenity Prayer. To ask the God of my understanding to grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change. My being powerless over people, places, and things.
How often I have tried to help another alcoholic get sober and find myself stumbling. How they so often resist acceptance of being powerless over alcohol. They don’t want what we have to offer them. They feel they know what they’re doing and people like myself don’t understand them. Often the same thing so many of us went through when we came into the program.
I can’t help but go back to the way it was with me, when I came in. I definitely didn’t ever want to drink again, but I believed in my crazy head that I knew what I was doing and the people in here didn’t know what they were talking about. Especially when they talked about spirituality, which I didn’t want anything to do with.
However over a short time in this program I was forced to change my mind. Especially when my first sponsor went back out and drank again and died. And that was followed by another man I knew, who did the same and who also died as a result. A wake up call. And then the man I had known, who had been so helpful to me all along, told me that I had a choice. I could follow my first sponsor, or I could do what the program was offering me. Stay sober.
I chose that and was introduced to the Second Step. I had already surrendered one hundred percent to that First Step. I knew and accepted that I was powerless over alcohol and I certainly was aware of how unmanageable my life was. And it was this last thing I had surrendered to, the unmanageable life, which plagued me, when it came to others.
Somehow my self centered ego, my selfishness, and my wanting to control everything and others, made me stumble, when it came to helping others. I believed that I was intelligent enough to help people to change their minds. And the truth is just the opposite. If people don’t want to change their minds I can’t make them no matter how smart I think I am. And for someone like me that can be frustrating.
So, when they don’t want to stop drinking, I have no control. I had to learn all I could from my old sponsor and those old timers. How to be compassionate and loving and learning to be understanding of others. Not an easy job for someone like me. Took time, but I did finally grasp what those old timers were trying to show me. No wonder so many turned away and chose others to sponsor them.
I have never forgotten how my younger brother, and alcoholic like myself, blew up, when I tried to Twelfth Step him. The rest of his time here on earth was one of anger toward me. I had to learn how to let go of that. But it also taught me that I can never change another person’s mind, if they don’t want to change. Another individual has to have a somewhat open mind. No matter how narrow the opening, it is a beginning, if I step back and don’t try to force anything. I can share, but not argue.
I think the thing which helped open my mind was what my sponsor said about my mind being so closed. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That hit me right between the eyes. I knew the minute he said that how right he was. Talk about a spiritual awakening. He also hit my pride and my ego at the same time. He told me that I was educated beyond my intelligence. And that also woke me up and began to help open me up to what I so desperately needed. And about that time he began to introduce me to Step Two.
Anyway, after my friend talked to me I had to sit down and think about all of this. Just the beginning of the Serenity Prayer. The rest I will leave until later.
Once again this is all about why I am here. To stay sober one day at a time. To try to continue to practice these principles in all of my affairs. To be grateful for all that I have been given. To have a good attitude and perspective on my life. The happiness I have received and the freedom I have been given as a result of being restored to sanity. The spiritual awakening.
Just thinking and enough for now.