Sometimes I have to wonder when I think about this program, which has given me this sober way of life. In truth, a spiritual way of life. It’s been pretty wonderful to say the least.
That doesn’t mean that everything has always been perfect. Far from it. I’ve had my “ups and downs” in here. Mostly at the beginning, which took quite a while. That’s because I had dragged into this program a lot of stuff even I wasn’t aware of. That led to more than a few bumps in the road. But the upside of all of this is that I never had to go back and take a drink during all of this.
The reason all of this came up was because of what I was thinking when I awoke this morning. That was the Eleventh Step and the Third. I had fallen asleep last night reading the Eleventh in the 12&12. Bill W’s. words on the concept of meditation in the prayer of St. Francis. And there it was running through my mind.
There were so many years in the past when such thoughts would have been impossible. I was closed to spiritual thoughts all through that time I was out there drinking. To now be just the opposite is a cause for this wonder I was thinking about. Not that any of this came to me over night in here. It took time to begin to change.
At this point I always have to chuckle when I think about Bill’s thoughts on what he wrote in the Eleventh Step. He was talking about his going back and reading it after a number of years. He said it made him feel like a beginner. He said that was true of a lot of others like him. I know it was true of me when I was rereading it after a time in here. Like I was beginning all over again. Like the fifth chapter in the BB points out to alcoholics like me, we are not saints. That’s for sure. Human at the very least.
I was sitting here this morning, thinking about staying sober and what it was which has helped me to maintain my sobriety. This way of life and my Higher Power, plus all those who have had contributed to helping me along the way. I know I owe a lot of gratitude. It’s always a reminder to me that I can’t stay sober by myself. I need sober alcoholics like myself and the meetings.
Anyway, just running that Eleventh Step through my mind today was inspirational to an alcoholic like myself. It brought the concept of a day at a time up front for me, when I got up. It made me stop and think about prayer and meditation and the effect all of this has had on me. Brings hope and faith into my life. Changing me from that infantile alcoholic into the person I am today. Like I said, all this with what I have been given by my Higher Power, the program, and the people in it.
Just taking this moment to think and meditate on these gifts I have received.