One of the obvious aids for me in this program has been the Third Step prayer. I use it every morning to start my day. I learned that from so many others in this program. To tell the truth I was dumb enough for a long time that I just missed what it does to help me through each day.
The first thing it does is to remind me of just what is obviously wrong with me. And that’s the bondage of self. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind about this. I mean I can find myself so wrapped up in me that I can get lost in a second. That egomania they talk about in here has been around with me from the day I walked through these doors. If I’m not careful I can find myself tripping over it.
One of the greatest helps from the people in here came from my old sponsor and those old timers, who knew just how to get me out of myself and into this program. Part of that was how they convinced me that I needed to bring someone else into the inner picture. That was when they got me to take the Second Step. I began then to realize that the only way I was going to stay sober was to do what they had all done. They had found a way to believe in a Power greater than themselves. No matter what that was. It could be their concept of a God of their understanding or the program itself.
Over time I began to slowly strip this ego down to a much smaller size. That’s because my sponsor and others were there to get into helping to bring about ego deflation in depth, as Dr. Harry Tiebout said the alcoholic needed. Even then I know all it takes is a quick for-getter to turn someone like me back into “it’s all about” me mode.
And that’s where I need others and these Steps. Not only that but I have all these people in here to do whatever it takes to get me out of myself. One of those methods is to attend meetings on a regular basis, where I get to hear others share how it works for them to stay sober. And then I get an opportunity to try to help others and exercise some compassion for the alcoholic who still suffers. Amazing to me how this all works. It’s proof positive for me that I cannot stay sober by myself.
All of this is for me practicing the spiritual way of life, as I have come to understand it. Through trying to practice these Steps I have learned to pray as I think I should. To take a few moments out each day and sit and meditate in a way I am able to step aside and stop and think about how my Higher Power works in my life. It has helped me to grow in faith and hope and depend on my Higher Power to enable me to remain sober and to live a really good life today. Far far different than it was before I entered here. I can see that clearly every time I step back and take and inventory of my life in here from the beginning up until now. Talk about beyond my wildest dreams. I would never have ever imagined this when I started to begin to try to live this way.
And yet I have no problem over experiencing my stumbling into my old ways. My past thinking and problems can emerge every time I find myself tripping over my emotions. My anger, my fears, my worries, anxiety, self pity, and all the human junk is just under the surface. None of this is even close to being what it was at one time. I think that’s because I believe those old timers and my Higher Power definitely reduced my ego for me. In spite of me. However the ego I began with was so huge that it still is something I can trip over, if I’m not paying attention. Eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety, as the BB tells me.
Again that’s what prayer and meditation have helped me with. Asking my Higher Power for help in learning to control my emotional life. Over time this has eventually begun to work. It’s not even near what it used to be like. I learned from those old timers, for instance, to pay attention to my attitude. I need a positive attitude to help keep these emotions out of sight. I’ve also learned to stop every once in a while and try to sit in silence and practice contemplative prayer. Placing myself in that Eleventh Step as I understand it.
But I have to remember to go to meetings through all of this. I know from the experience of others that I cannot afford to do this alone. Grateful for all that I have been given. Never ever want to forget that.