One of the things I know, which drives alcoholics crazy is frustration. My own experience is that I bring my frustrations on myself. It has to do with my allowing my emotions to take over my head.
I guess it’s all about the Serenity Prayer. That’s what I was thinking about this morning. I remember, how hard that prayer was for me, when I came in. In the beginning that prayer made no sense to me at all. Asking for the serenity to accept things I could not change? What was that all about? I couldn’t accept anything. I was always arguing with a lot of those old timers and God, I guess.
And, of course, I found myself frustrated. Angry. Resentful. But time and experience began to change all of that. It began to change my thinking. I began to realize that I needed to accept, even though I didn’t like it. But more than that, I needed to achieve some kind of serenity or spend the rest of my life frustrated and possibly headed back to a drink.
Of course, that’s where the Steps came into play. Beginning with the 2nd Step and coming to believe that I could be restored to sanity. Something I needed, if I was to put that prayer into action. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. That began to open the door to a change in my attitude and the start of getting some kind of a handle on my emotions. Kind of a movement toward growing up and becoming an adult.
But there was a hitch in all of this process. And that was another part of that prayer. Not just needing the courage to change the things I can, but that word “wisdom”. The wisdom to know the difference. Talk about the need for humility. Something I lacked terribly. But I did begin the process of learning. If I thought I was frustrated before, it was when I had to learn what I could change and what I couldn’t. I had no idea.
That brought the word “acceptance” into focus. I slowly learned about surrender and acceptance. I’m still learning. Talk about dumb. Me, who thought he was so smart. Most of the time, when having to turn to this prayer at the beginning of whatever it is in front of me, I have been enabled to accept my powerlessness. Often it is clear, what I can and cannot do. But, when I am able to perceive the need to do something, that’s when I desperately need the courage.
Anyway, what brought all this up is that I’m faced with a number of things. Some of them are tempting. Can I do something about them? If I can, am I strong enough to follow through? And, what if I’m not supposed to? That’s where I began to think about the Serenity Prayer and say it and mean it. Time will tell.
Meanwhile, I need to back off and think about my primary purpose. I sure don’t want to go through something, which could threaten my sobriety. Like frustration, anger and all that goes with that. Just another drunk, who needs to stay sober. Maybe a smidgen of wisdom there.