Something happened today, which caused me to go back and check myself on some things from my past. Talking to another recovered alcoholic led to these thoughts. And that made me go back and check a statement in the 12&12 in the Eighth Step. It was like Bill W. had read my mind at the time I was working on that Step.
The last line in that Step was it. It said: It’s the beginning of the end of isolation from our fellows and from God. Right on the money.
It reminded me of what I was doing back then. I was working on my list and I had a reaction, as I did. Old resentments were piling up and my anger was such that I was forced to go back to Steps Six and Seven. Either that or entrench myself deeper in them.
But, what it did was make me think that it was no wonder I had been isolated from people and God. If someone said anything or did anything, which reminded me of those past resentments, guess what? I would tend to want to cut them out of my life. To push them away or not listen to what I needed in this program.
I really didn’t think about the consequences of all of this at the time. When I thought about it down the line, I thought how close it could have come to my losing sobriety. What saved me was the Ninth Step.
After failing to make an amend out of anger, my old sponsor’s wife stepped in and told me to make an amend to someone else. I did and it opened the door to the rest.
That open door led to the restoration to sanity talked about in the BB. The spiritual awakening. It was like insurance to me. I had already had a spiritual awakening I was not aware of just before I came through the doors of the program. I later became aware that my plea to God to stop me from drinking had worked and the hold alcohol had on me had been removed. But as I worked my way through these Steps and arrived at the Ninth, I discovered I had stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. I was placed in a position of neutrality with alcohol, as the BB stated. Moreover the isolation ended.
That thought today reinforced my gratitude to my higher power and the people in this program. How could I ever forget what I have been so freely given? I pray I never will.