Can’t help but think about what got me here and what keeps me here. We were talking about the First Step today. Powerless over alcohol and an unmanageable life. Surrender and acceptance.
Like so many things in my life, pain was the answer to this Step. It took pain to reveal the solution. That was after years of trying to think my way out of the mess alcohol was creating in my life. And no matter how much I tried to use my will to free me of a drink, my will failed me. And then the pain, not just physical, but mental and emotional in the form of fear and despair brought me down.
And that’s just where the Second Step came into my life. I desperately needed something greater than myself, even though I had no concept of that at the time. All I knew was that I needed help and it wasn’t going to come from me. And then the help came in the form of this program. My first conscious awareness of something outside of myself, helping me.
Last night I was reading before I went to sleep. The story I was reading reminded me that the 12 Steps are not a one time program. They need to be continuously applied to our lives. Not to do so can lead to all kinds of problems with myself. One of those is that I could end up deluding myself into becoming my higher power once more. That’s a road I definitely don’t want to find myself taking.
I’ve discovered so much peace and comfort in my life from exercising this program on a daily basis. I’d be crazy to go back on what I have found in here. Which reminds me to be grateful for all that I have and to thank my higher power and practice gratitude in the groups I attend regularly.