One of my best defenses is a thick skin. I was told that I needed to develop that early on.
Here I was, new in the program, and I found out I was insecure, immature, and oversensitive. My sponsor told me that. I had no argument against that profile of myself. I was too sensitive and easily provoked by those around me. In fact I often called myself paranoid. I reacted to the slightest remarks or looks from others.
I had to develop a sense about myself, where what others thought or said wouldn’t disturb me. And I did. It took time. It wasn’t an overnight process, but using this program and the help of others to help me change worked.
First l had to accept that First Step wholeheartedly. All of me. My thinking and my willingness to persevere and not drink a day at a time. Then I had to find a higher power I could have faith in and depend upon. A power greater than myself, who could empower me to live this new way of life, sober. And that this power could restore me to sanity. Had no argument with my insanity. Booze had made me insane. I knew that the day I hit my bottom.
Between coming to believe and working these Twelve Steps and listening and learning from my sponsor and those old timers, I changed. I had a spiritual awakening. In fact many since I came in.
My attitudes and my thinking and motivations changed. Despite my sometimes misgivings, I was launched into a spiritual way of life. The negative changed to the positive. I became comfortable with myself. Peace of mind and serenity began to enter into my inner life. In place of fear I developed courage. And, like the BB said, I had stopped fighting everyone and everything, even alcohol. Sanity was restored.
For the most part, what others may think of me, or say about me, I don’t have to respond. In most cases, I don’t care. In fact it often makes me laugh. That’s a long way from the way I was, when I came in. I have self esteem today. I care about myself and strive to live a sober and happy way of life. A gift, I believe, of my higher power and all those generous sober souls, who reached out and helped me to arrive at the point I am living today.
This gift, freely given to me, I desire today to give it to those, who are themselves seeking sobriety. And even those, who are in this program and suffering from problems with themselves, and are seeking help. I am willing to go out of my way and offer my experience, strength, and hope, if someone wants it. That’s what I understand is my expression of gratitude for all that has been given to me. Gratitude to the God of my understanding and so many, who have giving me a helping hand along the way.