If ever I want to get over and do away with the consequences of resentments, I have to do whatever it takes to get rid of them. The 12 Steps are the beginning. I still remember my last drunk and I never want to go back there again. And resentments are the quickest track back to a drunk…and death.
I remember what I was told and what I read in the BB about resentments. They’re the number one killer of alcoholics. Especially a sober alcoholic. The emotional bender preceding and leading into them blinds us and takes over all reason from me. And then they continue to rise up within and begin to plague the mind, over and over again. And when something else comes up, it has the power to push us over the edge.
The solution begins with that 2nd Step. The beginning of belief in a higher power, whom I depend upon. A power greater than myself, who can do for me what I can’t do for myself. Over time I have seen the results depending on my higher power. Having faith and asking for the help I need. Particularly, when it comes to a resentment.
Then proceeding through the next ten Steps and continuing working them into my daily life. It takes time, but if I’m willing to persevere and develop the rest of what I need to begin to live a spiritual life, I find the willingness and hope, which is the start. Not a perfect life, but one, which will allow me to grow along spiritual lines. During this time and even after, I have to learn what to do, when I stumble and trip over myself. My ego centered self. My character defects. My self will run riot.
Just the fact that I’m aware that I’m vulnerable helps me to keep my eyes open. Eternal vigilance, as the BB points out, is necessary. Not easy, when we’re so easily distracted. But discipline, which begins with the Steps and then the meetings, where I can be reminded of what I forget, are musts for someone like me. I need the help of others, if I want to stay sober. I know this way of life works, because it has been working for me all these years. And I am so grateful.
Talking to another sober alcoholic, preferably one with time in this program is so important. Talking about what I find in my 10th Step. The cause of my disturbance with another and where I am a fault. Then listening to the other person share their experience strength and hope with me. Like I’ve been told and experienced, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. And then of course prayer. Praying for the target of my resentment, which I have found begins to free me of the obsession, which is the first consequence of my emotions run wild.
I’ve seen the results in many I have known in the program, when resentments blinded them and they drank again. Like I said, I don’t want that to happen to me and I try, as best I can, to practice this program in my life, first to stay sober and then help me to live a sober life and practice these principles in all of my affairs.
Guess what? It works.