Had a couple of thoughts on my last thought about loving ones self.
Someone once said to me, how can you give what you haven’t got yourself? Good question.
However, what I didn’t include in that meditation yesterday was what actually got me to that point, where I cared enough about myself that I was actually happy to be me. And that was the process of these Twelve Steps in action.
Actually the reason I didn’t wasn’t so much forgetting, as the concern I had for the person I was talking to before that thought. But in fact it was the Steps, which brought me to the point that I could let go of so much of what was in my own way.
The first three Steps were just an introduction to this new way of life for me. But it was the next the next six, which brought about that change. By the time I had gone through these, I had reached that point that the BB tells me I would. I found a new happiness and a new freedom. The rest of those promises were not only in my life, but I found that I had stopped fighting everyone and everything. Sanity had actually come back into my life.
Having that comfort and care for myself was what my sponsor’s wife Fern had told me I would get, if I worked these Steps. I had a new sense of balance in my life. Maybe for the first time. I no longer suffered from those “highs and lows” from my emotions. I was on a level playing field at last. The roller coaster ride was over, just as she said it would be.
Additionally the support and care of others was available to me any time I wanted it. In turn I could now help others without the resistance I had, when I came in. I actually could volunteer to be of service. I had a new sense of gratitude for all that I had been given. I still have that today. All of it.
And the biggest bonus in my life is that I no longer have to fight the drink. Alcohol is no longer an obsession. Thanks to my higher power and all the help of the alcoholics around me, who are sober and have given me the direction I needed, I have had a spiritual awakening(s). Why wouldn’t I care for myself? I’m not thinking about an egotistical or prideful caring, but one that allows me to be free of me and care for others. That is one of the gifts this program, which continues to amaze me.
Anyway, I was thinking about this again today. It’s part and parcel of sober living for me.