One of our group, a man who is still fairly new, asked the group if they would discuss what he found he was having difficulty with, humility and responsibility.
I heard a lot of good things, as it went around the room. Most felt they had not much to say about humility, because they felt they had little of that. However they all talked about responsibility. Being responsible to work the program and to not take a drink a day at a time. Most felt that though their higher power was the source of their sobriety, they felt it a responsibility to do the things necessary to practice this program to the best of their ability.
A few did talk about our egos and the part they played in our difficulties in working this program. In fact one man talked about ego deflation in depth. That caught my attention and made me think.
I thought about the many occasions in this program, when my ego got in my way. That led me to think of the times I found myself getting cut down to size, either by my sponsor or my higher power.
How often I found I’ve had to back off from going in a direction I knew I shouldn’t and coming to the realization that I was dependent on my higher power. That always punctured my ego. Because I had been thinking I knew what I was doing, only to realize that I didn’t. So much for my thinking.
What I’m thinking is that I was forced to realize that I am responsible for what I think and what I do. God’s will for me might not always be clear, but, when I find out that I’m off track, it becomes very apparent that I’ve been wrong and that is not only humiliating, but shows me how irresponsible I can be.
All this, as I think about it, reminds me how much I need my higher power to keep me on track. It’s about my spiritual condition upon which that daily reprieve we have is so key to my staying sober.
How often I’m reminded, when I find myself undergoing some pain in this program, that I once again need to surrender to God’s will for me. My resistance sometimes gets in my way and I once again have to give up and do the responsible thing.
So, after listening and thinking about all of this, I find a direct relationship between humility and being responsible. When I look back at the examples I was shown in this program by my sponsor and all those old timers, I witnessed a lot of humility and responsibility. I still have a lot to learn.
Anyway, all of this made me think about my sobriety today.