One of those faults of mine seems to have been changed for the better. I know the words of those old timers helped me. And that is forgiveness. I cannot help but remember what they said about the difficulty I was faced with.
In Step Eight in the 12&12, it talks about our troubles in forgiving others. Rather than forgive them, it tells us, we go into resentments. And that was a huge problem I found in my life within. I discovered this after I had been in here a while. In fact, when I had been here for a few years, I sat down and decided to write out my Eighth Step. And that opened the door to all these people I was so angry at. It was a wake up call, because I could hardly think about them without anger.
Forgiving and forgetting was not part of my life at that time. I know I must have talked about this with my old sponsor and other old timers. I think my sponsor’s wife was one. She was always a big help. But I did struggle with the Ninth Step. It took a lot of time.
I know that I have written about this before, but it was part of this process. I went on a Ninth Step call one day and ended up stunned and relieved. After I finished that Step, I came out and was suddenly awakened spiritually. The anger and resentment I had at the man I was working with, vanished. And then, just as suddenly, all my resentments were taken out of me. I wouldn’t ever remember anyone, if they came into the space I was in.
I was thinking about this today. That spiritual awakening and restoration to sanity. I may find myself I know facing anger at someone, but it doesn’t last. I find myself doing what I need to do. Forgiving. I have been given the grace of compassion. Loving and caring about those I used to maintain anger at. Doesn’t mean that I think the person I was angry at doesn’t need to do something, but it is clear to me that it’s really isn’t my problem. It’s the Serenity Prayer all over again and again.
However, time took time. And that’s the way it was for me and so many alcoholics like myself. I had to grow in spite of myself. And I think that’s the spiritual way of life we all have in this program. Makes me grateful. Learning to forgive and often forget.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this again today. And, like I said, it reminds me of the gratitude I have for my Higher Power, and all those old people who helped me to learn what this program was about. And I’m also grateful to all those I have conscious contact with today. They help me to continue to grow along spiritual lines in spite of myself. I need to say “Thanks”.