Today was a talk about what happened to all of us with our families, when we got sober. I know from what was said, that a lot were able to work things out with their families. However there were enough in the room, who had difficulties of the major kind. A lot of these ended up with a lot of separation.
I know from my own experiences, that what I got was no real surprise. In the beginning of sobriety things seemed to be slowly building toward the positive. I knew I was trying to be a good sober person. Yet there were things, which I learned were probably not going to smooth things out.
One of the major problems was definitely related to my drinking. No “warfare” between us. Not on the surface anyway. But my drinking was enormous. I wouldn’t get out of the bars, or off the streets until about 4am. And then I’d leave the house at 10am, and once again get home at 4am. On and on for years.
My wife told me that she often prayed that I’d be killed and get it over with rather than having to put up with all these empty relations in our family. Evident anger was not a big thing. No violence. No real arguments. And that was because I was not around. And so it went on until the second Fifth Step.
How true that Step was is still questionable. I wrote it just before my first sponsor drank again and died. It was my thoughts on sex. So my sponsor told me to put it away until later. I did. I put it in one of my old suit coats. Then overtime I forgot about it. That was until I went to finally wear that coat and found it was gone. I asked my wife about it and she told me that he turned it over to some kind of service. Later on it hit me that that Step was in one of the pockets.
I asked my “new” sponsor if she would have just given the coat away without looking at it. He shook his head. He also said she probably read it. But she never ever said a thing about it. However I think that was the beginning pf the end our mairrage. So after five years it stopped.
But over time amends were made and we became friends. She had remarried, but her spouse committed suicide. I was able to step in with my children and take over the funeral arrangements and to bring her over to the house I was living with my children. She pretty much stayed until a bit of peace was able to come into her life. I know she was grateful and so was I. We got on along all the way.
Anyway I know that somehow I was able to make peace through out my family. I think from my experience anyway, and that of others, who had rough times, that peace is possible. And that’s because of the Steps of this program, but mainly from this way of life we learn here, which opens the door to a spiritual way of life, and our Higher Power. I know it is what reinforced my sobriety in here. The gifts we were given.
Peace is here a day at a time to stay sober There’s a lot of that. It’ learning to live a day at a time and not drink ever again. Makes me grateful. I need to thank my Higher Power, and my old sponsor, and those old timers,who helped me to learn what I needed to do. And then, looking at the meeting today, it reminds me of how all those I have come to know overtime have helped me. Again, Thanks.