One of those thoughts, which became more clear to me today, was dedication. My own dedication to my Higher Power, this program, and all those within here, who are also dedicated to staying sober a day at a time. Finally, of course, we all have to be able to turn our own minds to helping others like ourselves to hopefully find a way to give up their thoughts and alcoholic lives.
I spoke to several people today in a way, which helped me to focus on these thoughts. Our thoughts were not directly on dedication, but they were the result of my own life being aimed at living this way of life. Part of that was being positive in what we were thinking and doing. A lot of that was lifting ourselves over negative thoughts and all the results of being negative in our attitudes. In fact there was quite a lot of laughter.
One of those persons I was talking to was amazing. We were going over a lot of what had affected our lives. Our health. We both were locked into a very lot of pain, and we both knew we would be the rest of our lives. Yet we often had to stop and laugh at what was going on. And we and others knew this is what we needed. Not to get caught up in a negative attitude, but to look at life through positive attitudes. To deal with whatever in a very real and serious way, but not to get locked into dark thoughts of self pity. To take what we learned in here and put it into action in all areas of our lives. To be very grateful for the blessings we have received, and be willing to help others to be given and accept our way of life. We know from our experiences it really works.
I know that, when we are new in this program, these thoughts are not available. We are still locked into that way of life we just came from. We may advertise we are not in that way of thinking. We so often tell others how much “we know” and can handle this way of life. I remember I was that way, when I came in. But then reality hit me right in my eyes. I saw what happened to a couple of men, who, with time in, went back out and drank again and died. Talk about a wake up call.
I had to stop lying to myself and others. I didn’t really know I was doing that. I was so full of my own fiction. I have to thank my old sponsor and those old timers, who were able to step in and tell me the truth. They made me aware of the truth I was holding back on. I surrendered and became willing to learn and follow directions. I can look back and see how it all worked out, despite my constant reluctance. I had to work to overcome the resistance within me, which I had built up over time in my drinking alcohol. And with the help from my Higher Power and all those willing to help me I changed and have “grown up” over time in here.
I know from my own experience in here, that there are those, who were just like me. They have a way, like I did, of lying to themselves. Yet, once in a while, the truth hits them like it did me. And often, like I found out, I can step back from that darkness in me and begin to face the truth. I know that from their willingness to begin to change that alcoholics like myself have been able to help them. The Twelfth Step. Doing it in meetings through the Fifth Tradition. And talking to them on a personal basis.
Anyway I know this program works, if we want it to. I gave up my foolishness and did what I was told to do. To stay sober a day at a time. To just live this day and do what I have to do each day. Time takes time. But I began to get out of myself and put these Steps into action. Not an overnight event. But I found myself growing along spiritual lines. I gave up the darkness and opened myself to the positive way of thinking and acting. I love this way of life and am so grateful.