Another friend of mine and I talked today about how important pain was to us. I know he had almost the same feelings I did. I was in total despair and was on my way to end my life, when someone gave me hope. That hope opened the door to my Higher Power and eventually something I knew nothing about at the time. AA.
Fortunately for the both of us, our pains held on long enough in here, to keep us on the track we needed to stay sober. We were both hurt by what alcohol had done to us. Not a great way of living, but it did open the door to life. Never want to forget that.
And over time in here we both acquired the happiness we are living. However we both are grateful for the pain. It’s what helped open the door to this new way of life and the happiness which followed. Every time I look, I am amazed that all of this is what I finally knew I needed, if I wanted to continue to live.
I now know that it was hope, which helped me to begin to grow in here and live such a marvelous happy life. The virtue of hope was the beginning. That’s because hope led to faith, and faith to love. And I learned that I was never to let go of these virtues. They are basic to my life and what it was I grew to know I needed to do. The Twelve Steps of AA.
These Steps are still and “active” part of my life today. Not always easy to single out what Step I may be looking at. But that’s all right. I know I went through these Steps and that we really are never done with them. The only one I was able to work very perfectly was the First Step. That’s because I was so desperate as a result of my pain that I had to surrender totally. No question.
But the rest of these Steps are less than perfect in the efforts I have put into them. I know that. Probably because, though I wanted to work them and stay sober, I had begun to feel easier and better. Nevertheless, I know that I have to keep trying and not quit. I will probably be doing this until the end. Hopefully.
Anyway, I always find myself looking back and being grateful that I was given all this pain, because, like I said, it was that which drove me to giving up alcohol. I often think that I don’t want to ever drink again. However, over the years in here, I have seen too many, who were also in suffering from alcohol, who returned to drinking, many of whom died as a result.
Once again I am grateful for what my Higher Power and this program have done for me. Giving me sobriety and this new way of life, which has given me peace of mind and happiness. A very new way of life for this alcoholic. And this program and the people in it, who have helped me along the way. And, of course, this spiritual way of life, which is the basic of this program. Without it I might not have survived. So I need to say “Thanks” over and over again and again.