I had to stop and practice changing my mind today. That’s because I had to go back to the Tenth Step and put the Spiritual Axiom, whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with me, into action. I learned that a long time ago through my old sponsor.
Yesterday I got a lot of negative thoughts from the group I go to meetings at. That’s because an older woman, who has been going to this group, on and off over the years drinking, was there and spoke at the beginning. She had been doing what she always does…drinking. And she was also doing what she has always been doing, being confused. After a while, I did what the group leader should have done, I asked her to stop talking.
She walked out of the meeting, probably going to continue doing what she had been doing, drinking. And the group jumped all over me. I tried to tell them that none of us are psychologists, or counselors. We’re here to stay sober a day at a time and we need to be talking about working this program.
Nope. They talked about me being wrong and harming the woman. We needed to help her. Over all these years, her being in the condition yesterday that she has been in over these years, we have never been able to get through her confused mind. I don’t think that’s what made them angry. I think it was me.
Several people came up to me afterwards and told me that they agreed with what I had said. Made me grateful to know that they were being faithful to why we were there. We needed to be working the Fifth Tradition. Carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That’s why I wanted her to stop talking.
Anyway, I know I had to stop and back down. I felt irritated by what had happened, It wasn’t them, it was me. My ego. My temper. I learned that a long time ago from my old sponsor and those old timers. I had to learn how to stop, back up, pray and meditate and change. They’re gone now, and I have to talk to someone else. I did. Two men, I had helped in the past, and they were able to help me back down and drop the thing which was wrong. My feeling disturbed. That’s my problem. Not someone else’s. Their problems are not mine, and I need to let go and do the right thing.
All this reminds me of why I am here to begin with. And that’s to stay sober. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. My primary purpose. The First Step. And then I need to go to the next Step. The Second. To renew my commitment to grow along spiritual lines and to come to have faith and depend on my Higher Power. And then the rest of this program.
All of this makes me grateful to this Program, my Higher Power, my old sponsor, those old timers, and the rest of the members of this program, who have helped me along the way. I need to stop and say, Thanks.