Of all things we talked about today was what had been part of the conversation we were having outside of the meeting. A lot of heavy weight thinking. Humility.
I remember this from way back, when those old timers were trying to help me to stay sober a day at a time. In the beginning they cut me down to size. When I look back at that, I can see why they had to do what they did. They pretty much had to, because I was so self centered. I was thinking about me almost all the time. So they would often have to tell me to shut up.
I learned part of my problem was what was wrong with alcoholics as a whole. And that was we all had over sized egos. And I learned from my sponsor and others that we were going to have to deflate our egos, if we were to stay sober. And I learned that this ego deflation was always a short time experience for most of us. I could be very “humble” for a short period, and then find myself filled up again with me. That keeps popping up from time to time. Part of the unconscious mind.
Along the way I learned that the word humility comes from the Latin word “humus”. That means earth. The ground or dirt. And, if I’m to be humble, I will be down to earth. However, even knowing this, I’m aware that our minds lose this along the way and we drift back to inflation.
However I do know that spirituality and my relationship with my Higher Power and others requires me getting out of myself and doing what it is I need to do. It’s not dependent on what I think. It is what is presented to me on a daily basis. And all of this is what helps me to stay sober.
However, I have found out over time in here, that I might not be aware of this state within me. I know from my own experiences and what I have seen others do, when they’re living a humble life. It’s when we are offered to help another alcoholic needing us. Compassion. Freely giving what was so freely given us. Stepping aside from ourselves and reaching out to assist them to try to understand how to get sober, like we did.
I also know that humility can come up in my life, when dealing with others. At the time I’m in this state I’m not aware of this. Usually it comes into mind later on. So often I have no idea, unless someone points it out. I know that I find myself happy that I was given the opportunity to help someone like myself.
Anyway I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity of practicing humility. For me I know it’s part of my staying sober a day at a time. Trying to live this spiritual way of life. Makes me grateful that I’ve been blessed with this by my Higher Power. I also know it is a reminder of my sponsor and all those old timers. And I can see that is what is available to me today. I need to say “Thank, you” over and over again and again.