Once again I was reminded of my old sponsor. This time it was what I found that I was tripping over, as usual. And that was my anger and fears. And it wasn’t just them. In fact the two I had mentioned had turned into a lot more. I would then find myself in the dark pits of my feelings. They were controlling my mind and pulling me down into blackness within.
That was often when my sponsor or some other old timer would enter in and begin to help me get out of where I was down in the darkness. Over time I was helped to turn myself around. I began to learn to put my thoughts over my feelings. My negative emotions. I was being shown that I could stop before my dark emotions took over. I began to learn I could think and ask my Higher Power for the help I needed. And then I was taught that I could stop my day and start it over again. Going from the negative into the positive. Getting a positive attitude. Picking myself up off the dark mess within me.
What I was thinking about was what happened to so many I knew back then. They were going through the same things, but they ended up drinking again. Often dying. I sure didn’t want to go there. And because of those old timers, I never did go back out. I am so grateful for all I was given. And these thoughts were what I needed lately.
I was getting a number of calls from others, who were suffering from what I had also experienced. I knew almost instantly what I was listening to. It was so familiar and I felt that maybe I could pass on to them what I had been given. My hope was that they could find themselves experiencing what we all need. A spiritual way of life.
I learned that no matter what I was thinking on my own, I could not find an answer on my own. I would be stuck down deep in a very black hole within. My hope was that they could learn to step back and turn their will and their lives over to the God of their understanding. To let go and let God. That’s what eventually began to work for me and bring me peace within.
I never want to drink again, and I know that these dark kind of feelings, which were taking over my thinking, and placing me in the peril of alcohol once again. had to be changed. Once again I had to learn to step back and ask for help. I had to learn to let go and let my Higher Power take over. And I had to learn to be open with my sponsor, or someone else, who could help me. I learned that the longer I continued to think I knew what I was supposed to do, I was in danger.
Once again I was reminded that I need to stay sober a day at a time. And a basic part of that is learning to do the right thing. To ask others for help and then following the paths that I so desperately needed. I know I had to give thanks to my concept of God for the help I was receiving. Not only that but I had to be grateful for this program and what I was being given, which could help me to continue to stay sober and grow along lines I needed in here to help me stay sober.