Today I was thinking about others. Amazing how my thoughts have changed over and over, since I came here. I was very irritable and full of self pity. Others bothered me and I wanted to stay away from people in here. But I also knew I had to stay around, if I wanted to continue to stay sober.
And over time, the old timers, new people like myself, helped me to begin to change. I still was making judgments of a lot of those in here. I was paranoid in the beginning. I would see people gathered together across the room, talking and laughing. I was sure they were talking about me and making fun of me. And this went on for a while.
And then came the day that I was suddenly faced with the truth about myself. And that began with those two men, who had time in here, but went back to drinking, because of their resentments. And they died shortly after that. A wake up call. My second sponsor, who had a lot of time in, lived nearby and he took over.
That’s when I was told I thought I knew, but I didn’t. Another wake up call. And that’s when my sponsor got me, not just reading the BB, but studying it. And the Second Step opened the door to the beginning of a spiritual way of life, along with the beginning of a belief in my newly acquired Higher Power. This was the start of a new way of life.
And what changed in me was my relations with others. It was really a part of my life turning around. I had begun to do what I always thought I never could do. And that was to be open and caring about others, instead of judging them. The Serenity Prayer was part of that. But over time, going through the Steps, I finally ran across the Tenth Step and the spiritual axiom. That whenever I’m disturbed, I am the problem and not others. I have to investigate and take on my responsibility. Whatever is going on with them is their responsibility.
I also learned compassion, as well as love of others. And over time, working with others, and praying for others, became part of my life. That doesn’t mean that I’m the perfect person. I can stumble from time to time and trip over my negative emotions. Then I have to step back and ask my Higher Power for help, as well as some of the people in here. And I learn a lot from their own experiences with these things.
All this is an important part of my staying sober a day at a time. I have to pray and then think about changing over and over again. In spite of some of my trip ups, I am very grateful. Peace and love have come into my life. It’s part of me. And I need to express “Thanks”.