Something happened the other night, which was of great significance to me and many I know in this program. A loving woman, who was much loved by many, passed away. She was the widow of my old sponsor. Both she and her husband had so much influence on my sobriety. They literally saved my life.
Fern, her name, was 91 years old and 58 years sober. Her husband Tom had died years before. He had been my sponsor for about 20 years.
What I was thinking about was just who they were. What they represented, not just to me, but to all the people whom they helped get sober and stay sober. Their words and example was just what we all needed. They lived this program and freely gave it to others.
I lived down the street from their place. Fern told me that in my beginning in sobriety, her husband Tom used to sit looking out his kitchen window in the morning, waiting to see, if I came out and went to work. He wanted to make sure that I didn’t go into convulsions or the dt’s. She said that she told him one day, after he had been doing this for a couple of weeks, that he should go down the street and move in with me. That was Fern.
One evening, when I was about three years sober, Fern called me and asked me to come over and talk to Tom. I thought, “Me talk to Tom? Who me?” It seems that Tom had a brother, who was also an active alcoholic, who had collapsed and was hospitalized in Baltimore. Tom would rush home from work every evening and then drive to Baltimore to try to help his brother. First getting him out of the hospital and then taking him to meetings. This had been going on for a week or two and it seems Fern couldn’t get him to stop and it was wearing him out.
She realized, like many of us, that, even though Tom himself knew, that he really wasn’t helping. His brother, like all of us, had to hit a bottom and then seek the help he needed himself.
Anyway, she called and I went over with so many misgivings. I walked in and she said to me, “He’s in the bedroom.”. I went back and found Tom putting on his suit. He looked up at me and I said to him, “I know just what you would say to me.” I don’t know where that came from, but there it was. Tom smiled and nodded, took the suit off and put on his old clothes. He said, “Alright. Let’s go to a meeting.” And we did.
The thing that struck me, as I look back at this was their humility. She calling a virtual newcomer, not an old timer, and him listening and then doing what he had to do, which he couldn’t bring himself to do before that call. I have never forgotten that moment, nor will I. It still touches my heart so deeply.
There is so much so many of us could say, but this is my thought in tribute to her…and, of course, Tom. When I think of sobriety, it was Fern and Tom, who taught me how to live a sober life.
One last thought thought. When I was reluctant to post this website, it was Fern, who told me that I should. And I did.
I met Fern when I began dating one of her pigeon’s, Gigi Esch.. She gave me a long look over and I guess because I had been sober such a very long time (1 1/2 years) didn’t voice too much disapproval. Tom and Fern came to our wedding.
I remember Gigi telling Fern she wanted to do something to pay her back. Fern smiled and said “Oh hon, you don’t pay back, you pass it on.” Still we wanted to do something. We thought about the International in San Antonio, but the logistics seemed too hard. Instead Gigi drove to Pennsylvania to pick Fern up and take her to Blackstone. That trip was special because Fern was the “bell of the ball”. Gigi teased her about all the men that were always around her and Fern just laughed and said “You know I always have liked men!”