Today a subject came up, which is one of the most important virtues in this program to an alcoholic like me. And that is gratitude.
The reason gratitude is so important to this alcoholic is because it was so freely given to me, because I have been relieved of the bondage of alcohol. That goes all the way back to when I came into this program. Not only freedom from alcohol, but freedom from so many other things, which alcohol led me into.
However it was one thing to be glad that alcohol was out of my life, but another to be suffering from anger and other negative emotions. And that’s when my old sponsor stepped in and helped me to begin to change. I had to learn to first get my intellect over my emotions. I had never even thought of that before. Now it would become important for this alcoholic to begin to change.
My sponsor was able to get me to open my mind up to a new way of thinking and living. I had to learn that my negative emotions were not legitimate. They were the result of my unconscious mind taking over my life. Things I had gone through and had forgotten were the source of these emotions. I had to learn how to deal with these in a way, where my spiritual way of life could change me.
I discovered that someone might say or do something, which would bring up anger and rage within me. I could get pulled down into deep resentments. I could find myself not in control of what was going on within me. And it was these things I had to change. I had to learn the minute one of these emotions came up I had to pray and ask my Higher Power to remove them. Over time I began to be able to do what he told me I needed to do. He always said that I needed to think with my head and not my heart.
I learned through the BB and the people in this program that my life was in danger of falling back into alcohol. I certainly witnessed people going back out and drinking over resentments and dying as a result. I knew I never wanted to go there ever again. So, I had to stop and follow the directions I had been given. The result was that I began to grow in gratitude for all I have received in here.
As we talked about gratitude today we also spoke about our need to stay sober a day at a time. Not to get caught up in things which would pull us back down into alcohol. I found out that if I stay in the day and not drift off into the future or the past I could be relieved of relapse. My sponsor would always remind me that I was to look down at where my feet were and not to go beyond where I am at any given moment. And, of course, because we’re human alcoholics and not saints, we can find ourselves drifting off and getting pulled down into bad places. Then we need to ask for help from our Higher Power and sometimes others in here.
Anyway I had to stop and think about all of this. I know that, for the most part, I have continued to grow in gratitude. I need to always look and give thanks to my Higher Power, and so many in here, including my old sponsor, who have helped me grow along spiritual lines and stay sober.