I was talking to someone about one of the worst actions in this program. And that’s going back out and drinking alcohol again. Seems totally insane to a chronic alcoholic like myself. I have seen it happen too often and know how dangerous it is to chronic alcoholics suffering from this disease.
It makes me wonder what it is that keeps a sober alcoholic drifting off and back into alcohol again. And one of those things came up in a few writings. And that is finding ourselves suffering from a wandering mind. I mean I learned in here that I was to focus on the day I’m in. Not to be wandering off into the future. Makes sense, when I stop and think about it, or talk it over with another sober alcoholic in here.
I was told that if I concentrate on the moment and what it is I’m doing at the present moment I will be happy and at least content. However, if my mind wanders off into the future, I can find myself in anxiety and even despair. Often, I have discovered, if I tend to be projecting what is going to happen about something I have planned, that my past invades these moments, and that’s when the bad things begin to show up. That’s all based on what happened in a similar past event, which was negative. And perhaps that is what overcomes us, and, without really thinking about it, we might wander back into alcohol again.
This is pretty much what others, who have gone back out and drank again, might be relating to us. I know there are other things. Like believing we know what we are doing and might be way off base. For instance, I know some who have told us that they convinced themselves that they were not really an alcoholic suffering from a disease.
I know others, who have said, that they were bored and suffering from a depression or anxiety, and they decided “what’s the use?”, and went back out and drank again.
For myself, who, when I hear these things, I think the person is not practicing working this program. The Steps and the Traditions. In other words I’m not practicing a spiritual program. And it’s possible I know that it’s fairly easy to wander off, if I’m not focusing on staying sober a day at a time. Plus, I have to be open to talk to someone, who has fairly long term sobriety and knows a lot of what I really don’t.
Anyway I was reading and listening to someone else and thinking about what it is that drives us back to a drink. Like I said, I never ever want to go there. I don’t ever want alcohol in me. I know that when I surrendered and gave up alcohol, asking the God of my understanding for help, I received it. Plus, I can never forget that, if I hadn’t got the help I needed, I would have killed myself. I was so filled with darkness and despair. Thanks for the friends, who got me to hope and belief. I’m sober as result of adding hope, faith, and love into my life. That and putting the Second Step in here into action within me.
I am so grateful for all the help I have received and my Higher Power. I need to be thankful.