One of those things I was thinking about today was thinking. Not something new I need to go into. It’s always there. Interesting how it comes up in meetings at times, as one of those problems we all have.
We talk about how we start our day most of the times. Begins with prayer for the majority and meditation. And then there are these moments, when some will tell how their minds wandered off and they got caught up in thinking. I sure know all about that.
When we start with the Serenity Prayer in meetings, I can try to focus, but will often find myself wandering in my head. I know I’m not alone, because others have told me. I know it’s not always an irritation, although I sometimes think it should be.
Anyway we were talking about staying in the present moment and not going off into the future. I remember my sponsor talking to me about this and how it could be hazardous. I was told I must stay where my feet are. Not to do that could lead to me into danger. I could be thinking about something I need to do in the future, and find myself being pulled into anxiety, anger, resentment, fear, self pity. What happened in the past can be a large part of this. And I can find myself in trouble.
I mean here I am supposed to be staying sober a day at a time. Not a week, not a month, and not a year. But right now. So I was told I needed to focus on this. To apply the spiritual way of life to what I am doing right now. To stay where I am. However I remember reading in the BB that we’re not saints. We’re human beings, subject to, what my sponsor told me was stumbling and bumbling and tumbling into my old faults.
One of those things I know I need to try to remember is that I’m not in charge. I am an egotistical, self centered alcoholic, who, when I get caught up in my head, can find myself practicing some of my old defects. And I have to stop.
How often, I know, I can get pulled down into negative attitudes. I was told I had to stop and start my day over, when this happens. to pray and ask for help. To restart a positive attitude and get back where I really am at the moment. Not always easy. But it is do-able I have discovered. The Ninth Step reminds me that we’re here to live a spiritual life. It’s not a theory, it states.
Anyway, I had to stop and think about this, and remember what I should be doing. Staying in the moment. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I need to be grateful and practice what I was told I needed to do in here. That’s why I love to think about my old sponsor and those old timers, who taught me what it was I had to do…a day at a time.