Once again I find myself amazed at the responses in groups at times. And today was no strange result. Just puzzles me at times that there are those of us, who have no idea why they get caught up in things, which they believe they shouldn’t be doing.
One of the gifts in here, which I find has helped me to stay calm, despite what happens. That was what was written in the BB and given to me by my old sponsor and some of those old timers. And what was that? The very fact that I would find myself getting caught up in some of my old defects and faults, even after a long time in this program.
I would find myself angry, and even resentful. Sometimes getting caught up in arguments. Finding myself thinking this and that, which were things I thought I would never go to, after time in here. And yet I was blessed by those, who helped me, to realize that I’m human. A typical alcoholic, and not a saint. And I will be this way until the day I die. No surprise I found out from alcoholics like myself.
And, once again, I had to remember that there are Steps to help me with these faults. The last three. Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. Ten has that spiritual axiom, which tells someone like me, that I can be disturbed and that it’s my problem and not that of someone else…once I get honest. And then there is time to stop and pray and ask for help and forgiveness. And then to get out of myself and go to work with others in here.
That’s what I have been given over time. And it works, if I will be open and honest. Just another reminder that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. In fact I was reminded of something today, which always gave me laughs. And that there was a bar in New York City which had a sign over the back, which stated that there would always be free drinks tomorrow. And, of course, someone would always tell the bartender that they were there the night before and were ready for a free drink. The response was that this was today and not tomorrow. Something I have to remember, as I was told. I was never to project my thoughts into the future. Tomorrow doesn’t exist until it gets here. And then it’s no longer tomorrow, it’s today.
Anyway I need to stay in the moment, if possible. I know I can start my day with the Third Step prayer and the Serenity Prayer. To remind myself that I’m here to stay sober today. Even meditation at times. And then I will find myself drifting and running into my faults and defects. Stumbling, and bumbling, as my sponsor would tell me. And I was told to pick myself up and brush myself off and keep on keeping on.
Of course I might have to make amends, or share with someone else. To pray and ask for help. But then to get a positive attitude and keep on keeping on. I’m here to stay sober and never want to forget that. Makes me grateful.