Before I went to sleep last night, I opened the book Spiritual Awakenings from the Grapevine, planning only to read a couple of paragraphs. But that didn’t happen. I happened to open an article written by Dr. Bob and couldn’t put it down until I finished it. Wonderful.
I had to laugh at one thing he said. The ego of the alcoholic dies a hard death. No kidding. He talked about humility and trying to avoid our egos. Hard to do, he said, when people praise us for our work in here. He talked about halo poisoning. The answer being the 10th Step and even going back to 4th.
But what he himself marveled over were the 12 Steps. The effect they have on the alcoholic, who sincerely works them into his or her life. He pointed out they didn’t appear overnight. It took a difficult process to bring them into being. I can only imagine. But now they are here and I know how they changed my life.
I know what he was talking about, when he mentioned the ego and praise and avoiding putting a halo on, and using the Steps to cut us down to right size. I recently had to avoid that, after giving a talk at our local winter convention. I was more embarrassed by what people said to me after. Yet is was a subtle undertone in me, which played around with my ego. Ugh!
And I know what Dr. Bob was saying about the 4th and 10th Steps, even before I picked up his essay. That and going to my higher power. It put me at ease and allowed me to be my sober self and not having to listen to others or even myself. What a gift this program is.
Anyway, reading it and thinking about the things he said, I know full well what it is to be part of this program and the “we” in it. Not just me, but all those in these rooms, who make up part of my higher power. Today, when others were picking up their anniversary chips, I was once again reminded that, when I do the same, that the chip isn’t really mine. It’s a symbol of what others did to get me here. I owe them and my higher power my sobriety. I never want to forget that.
Anyway, I loved his writing. There was a short note after by Bill W., talking about Dr. Bob’s humility. He said he went to the cemetery, where Dr. Bob and his wife Anne are buried. He said only the names and the dates are on the headstones. No mention of AA or his part in it. Still anonymous and humble. He said that was just the way Dr. Bob was. A great memory.