Today I was reminded of a very important part of staying sober. How quickly I can forget something, which has such a significant role in my life. Spirituality.
It’s not that I’m unaware of the spiritual life, but there’s a factor here that seems to remain hidden from my mind. The BB tells me that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. But in living it I often feel that it’s up to me. So, I find myself trying to do it myself. And then today, as we were talking about staying sober I suddenly remembered a very important message in the literature. That in spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone.
Here we were talking about staying sober and self reliance. Then one woman reminded us that self reliance is really a myth. After all we don’t grow our own food, we have to buy it. We don’t make our own clothes. These too have to be purchased. The money we make to get these and other items we don’t create ourselves is dependent on our being employed. If not employed, we’re still dependent on other resources.
That made me go back and wonder, if I am too self reliant in spiritual matters. Am I going it alone? Often times I am. True, I do talk to others, but, when I do, am I focused on the spiritual nature of this program. The truth is that very often I’m not.
When we talk about the 3rd Step, we’re talking about turning our will and our lives over to the “care” of God. That means that I still have to do whatever I choose to do. The decisions are always mine. And then I thought of what lies just below the surface in me. That which often makes me go back to the 2nd Step. The rebellious nature of mine, which tells me that I don’t want to do what I am supposed to do. It’s always there. The way I grew up.
However I remembered that it’s exactly why I go to meetings. Someplace along the line I’m going to hear the solution. The spiritual solution, which is the answer to our sobriety. Why I’m there. Just the fact that I was reminded of that statement; in spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone. Self reliance. At least I was reminded that I need to stop and think before taking action at times. Like what my sponsor told me; when in doubt, don’t. Take a deep breath and step back and then ask for help. And, when I feel that I have an intuition in those situations, which formerly baffled me, check it out first.
All this is a reminder that I can’t stay sober by myself. I need the help of others, if I’m going to stay sober. The time in here has proved that to me over and over again. And that made me grateful. How many have been there for me, when I needed them. Not just my sponsor, who helped me so much, but all those I have met since I came in. And I can’t forget my higher power, without whom I could never have gotten free of alcohol. He is so essential to my being sober.