Sometimes I have to go back to the beginning. Like my sponsor often told me to do. He said go back and find a firm place to stand on. A rock.
What he was talking about was for me to go back to the first three Steps. He said I was to review them in my mind and see where I was with each of them. Kind of like a meditation.
Then he told me that when I was done with that I would be able to see where I was on any other Step. He said it shouldn’t take long, but I would be more secure in my journey on the road of sober living. And I do from time to time.
Sometimes I forget and that’s when my mind is messed up with some kind of problem. If I could remember, that would be the best time to do this. I find that when I do I’m more settled down. At peace, at rest, serene. And able to locate what I should do next.
Often I find to get myself to that place, where I’m willing to follow directions, it’s as a result of taking my “problem” to another sober member and sharing it with them. Or, as my sponsor would say, cutting the problem in half. Making room within me to work with it. Or, if it’s something I have no power to change, accepting that and finding peace with my Higher Power. Then going back and reinforcing and renewing this program within me.
Have I completely surrendered to the fact that I’m totally powerless over alcohol? Why not run through what brought me here? How did I hit my bottom? What do I think about the First Step? And do I recognize and accept that my life is unmanageable?
What was it that got me to accepting that Second Step? Did I come to believe in a Power Greater than myself? What came first to me, belief or hope? Did I really believe that I could be restored to sanity? And what was that insanity? How was I able to show myself that I had reached this point? A host of questions.
And finally, do I believe I have turned my life and my will over to the care of the God of my understanding? How do I know that I did? Of course the answer to this is simple. Proceeding forward with the Steps and getting over my balking.
I guess others would have their own thoughts on this. I have mine and sometimes different and sometimes more. But just sitting here and thinking about this has renewed peace of mind within me. Settled me down to where I can feel I’m on firm bedrock.
In all of this I have to look to my Higher Power and be aware of the help I have been given to get this far along in my sober life. I also have to look at all the people I have come to know and love, who have supported me through those early days and still do today. And thoughts of gratitude come to me. Hopefully I will act accordingly by going to meetings, by prayer and meditation. By making myself available and reaching out to others. And remembering it’s just another day in my sobriety.