From what I have read and heard, one of the most common aggravations alcoholics suffer from on and off over time is anxiety. That was one of the subjects for today. And that brought up a lot of good responses, as far as I was concerned.
Over and over again the 12 Steps were emphasized, if we’re looking for a solution. A spiritual solution. Starting with a belief in a Higher Power. More, my faith in a Higher Power. But for me that always begins with hope.
A number of people referred to the Serenity Prayer. Learning to accept the things I cannot change. Often a cause of anxiety for me, when I’m not paying attention. That’s when I can get caught in fear and worry about something I have no power over (most everything), and my mind is off wandering around looking for answers. That’s because I forget I’m powerless and need to turn many of these things I cannot change over to the God of my understanding. And guess what? I get caught up in anxiety. Often a nerve wracking feeling, which can lead to an emotional hangover.
But it’s also an indication to me that I have forgotten what I have learned in here, beginning with that 2nd Step, which led to opening the door to the rest of the Steps. I’ve forgotten my primary purpose, which is to stay sober. My ego and false pride is back in business. Monkey business, telling me that I’m in charge again. And then the frustration, which it leads to, when I discover I can’t change whatever it is. Then the fear and worry is right there under the surface. Projection enters the picture and I can begin to suffer from anxiety.
I probably have forgotten that 11th Step. To pray and take time to sit quietly and meditate. Like the Step says, praying only for knowlege of His will for us and the power to carry it out. That means I have to get in the “now”. The present moment and stop drifting off the path we’re supposed to be walking. To stay in the day.
One of the side effects of this is the possibility to control the fear and anxiety I can revert to anger and eventually resentments. Like a resentment against the person I’m worried about. And that’s not sobriety. It’s a threat to my sobriety. It can definitely get me off in the wrong direction.
One of the things I learned from my sponsor was to talk to my sponsor or another sober alcoholic. As he always said, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. Talking honestly about what is going on with me. The very fact that I do that shrinks the size of the “problem” and gets it back into the proper perspective.
As we were talking about this today, I had to think about an incident last night, which led to a night filled with aggravation, until I was able to talk to a sober friend of mine this morning. And yes, it brought it right down to the right size. Another old friend in this program once said that God just might give him more than he could handle, but not more that we can handle. And just the thought of sharing bears that out.
Anyway, I was glad I was at the meeting today and could listen to what I needed to be reminded of. Makes me grateful to be in a room full of people, who understand.